Thursday, June 26, 2008

pre-baby

it wasn't that i didn't believe in God.

i just thought he didn't believe in me.

this was around 2001-2004.

so, i don't want you to think i have been a pious, prayerful somebody all my life.

God saved my life and i'm not going into the details in this particular blog but that's what i consider the truth.

i think happiness and love are hard to achieve without some kind of faith ... i don't care if you call it God, yahweh, muhammed, or the wind ... but faith that our existence is meaningful, that there is an energy force greater than ourselves, that there is a positive direction to the universe ...

i used to think not ... so ... much. i doubted that 'things' would work out either for me or for others who were suffering.

that doubt left a little crack in the wall which left me vulnerable to dark and negative thoughts. doubt drove me to fear. and fear kept me miserable. and you know ... misery loves company. then before long all you can see is misery all around you in the faces of others you have made miserable.

i encourage you to examine your faith. do you have any? if no - what is standing there in its place?

again - no prosletyzing here, no conversion tactics ... believe in the wind, believe in good people and good wine, believe in your own powers and capabilities, believe in the god in you, believe in love.

just please have faith ... in something GOOD because it will carry you through all your days and it will be the pre-dawning of your future love and happiness.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

can't forget zimbabwe

you know mugabe ... he's famous for kicking white people out of africa ...

he's trying to be president for life ... just a little violence to keep your political opponent on his toes ... sweet, sweet africa ... learn you some here

cuz we all connected whether we like it or not.

this is Tsvingirai who thought he would be president (cuz he won the elections) but sometimes elections don't mean much:

dust on thier cheeks

somalia is another hot spot ... no, not for vacation ... for war, hunger, starvation, displacement, refugee camps, terror, violence, rape, economic crisis, U.S. imperialism and probably a lot of thirst too ...

it's only getting worse (and we, as in america, helped to fuck it up more) ...

four-year-old Fatima walked with her family for two days to reach El Barde (to receive food):

(more) trouble in paradise

me, myself, personally never get tired of trying to understand the israel-palestine conflict. i do think it's a metaphor for something larger that i am also trying to understand (humanity). there is also something divine about that space and place which i hope to visit one day ... there is even something divine about israel and palestine ... is palestine the modern word for house of judah? i am reading the bible (it's long) so maybe i'm getting too biblo-technical or something like that ... some of you may not be familiar with judah ... i encourage you to research (i am not spoon-feeding you with a hyper-link this time ;)



all that long paragraph to say: there is more unrest and bloody terror as gaza has broken the most recent 'ceasefire' and now israel has shut the gaza border (again) ....

all that to say -- unlike the mainstream american media, i will not be ignoring pain and suffering in the world. i will be constantly reminding us ... there is much to be done in the world. much healing ... love could play a powerful role in the middle east. forgiveness being the key to peace. and compassion being the road to forgiveness. and love of self the doorway to compassion.

until then i'ma throw the blood and murder in ya face!

bitter plant ... or bitter root

the front page news in america today is all about the dude in the kentucky factory plant who went to work one morning and shot like four of his co-workers ... i think he may have then killed himself ... you can get the more accurate story here ...

i just highlight these goings on cuz ... it reminds us that many of us are sick and suffering ... that dude probably didn't love himself and could find no love in the world ... i feel for him, may he rest in peace, may god bless him and the other victims and their families.

more and more frequently there are stories like this ... i think there is a growing trend and right now it might not effect you ... but one day it could ... is that what it will take for us to start taking notice of each other's humanity?

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

5 to 30

(written in november of 2007)

i try to make everyday different.

i try to find the miracle(s) in every single day.

paulo coehlo's book, "by the river piedra i sat down and wept", taught me that.

maybe 'taught' is the wrong word. something in my spirit suspected that for many years. that there was something MORE to the days ... so affirmed is probably a more accurate word. that book affirmed that for me.

but this morning started to feel like the old days when it was one long day.

as i grew into an adult and had my daughter the days began to melt into one long day of obligation, duty, and responsibility. because as we become adults we are told by the outside world what responsibility must look like. and because i was afraid to look for a new paradigm of living.

today my daughter ... i am moving away from the term "made me feel bad" so i will say my daughter ... raised emotions in me that made me examine what i believe about myself as a mother.

i work on belief a lot.

belief is not as easy as it sounds. it is the foundation for love and healing but it is kind of hard to master. it is the first step in my journey. sometimes i rush past it only to end up looking it dead in the face again.....to discover - there is no rushing past the belief part.

do i believe i am a good mother? sometimes. and when i am venturing into territory where someone else "makes me feel bad" i must stop and be brutally honest with myself about what i am feeling exactly and why. i am very sensitive to criticism (even especially from myself) about being a good mother. i work every day to be more patient and loving with my little girl. i work on being a good mom. but my brain believes there is such thing as a perfect mom. so, i always fall short. i am tired of judging myself inadequate and then feeling bad.

i always try my best as a mother. and that will one day be enough for me. i cannot MAKE my daughter happy all the time. she can only make herself happy and i can support her in that effort. if she feels bad i start to feel bad or feel like i did something wrong. BUTT if i am trying my best then i should have nothing to feel bad about. even when i make mistakes.

so, i talk to myself. (talking to myself has proved a highly useful tool on the road to happiness by the way.) i tell myself: you are doing your best. i used to beat myself up for not knowing automatically that doing my best was good enough. i didn't even try to encourage myself. i would just get mad at myself for not feeling the way i SHOULD. i was too hard on myself. i am only a human formed by other humans. how can i expect myself to be perfect all the time or right away. now i am patient with my own self. i acknowledge to myself that i am learning, i am developing, and i am growing slowly like any other organic being. i never used to apply the concepts of behavioral change to myself: those kind of changes just take time.

it is not that they are impossible.

and one day ... i KNOW (the belief is strong for me in this area!) that i will not even need to have this conversation with myself.

so when i feel bad ... i tell myself ... i am a good mother. automatically. practice creates habit and habit builds belief. because it is a habit of a way of THINKING (and doing). and belief lives in the realm of the thoughts.

belief is not a sweater or a hat i can put on. it is a way of thinking about myself and my world.

i felt bad and weird this morning. i am doing my best --- i am a good mother. i am already feeling better.

Monday, June 23, 2008

putting obama to bed

let me just make this real clear:

obama is NOT the messiah.

obama is NOT the great black or white hype.

obama did NOT vote against that horrible, immoral, unethical, and unconstitutional FISA bill ...

obama did NOT go to jena, mississippi.

obama will NOT be doing rallies with sharpton in the streets (yet).

obama will NOT cure racism.

obama can NOT automatically end poverty.

obama will NOT end black-on-black murder in chicago, philadelphia, or houston.

obama will NOT obliterate the GOP.

obama will NOT scrub the capitol of corruption.

obama may NOT be able to necessarily pass universal health care through congress.

sorry.

as much as i personally love and support his candidacy i have never expected any of the above from the man.

(he IS only a man as in huMAN being.)

in the days and months to come i know many of you will struggle with the imposition of reality into obama's hopeful image ... i know many will be disappointed by what he didn't do, what he did say, who he had dinner with, and what he voted for ...

so i suggest, you lower your expectations NOW. i suggest you figure out what YOU CAN DO.

and then, go do it. with love and hope.

leave obama to do his thing ... actually, i think his greatest and this country's greatest achievement has been reached: DEMOCRATIC NOMINEE.

erythang else is just ... extra. like cake. like seconds. like icing. like french fries. like cheese. extra ....

and this is the last time i'll say this (maybe?) cuz i hate to explain the obvious. it is what it is. america is fucked up. it's going to take a lot more than one man. one president. to fix all our ills. to eradicate 'politics as usual' it's going to take more than a few speeches. it's going to take more than all the congresspeople in washington. it's going to take more than all the teachers in america. it's going to take more than just the parents of bad ass kids. it's going to take more than a billion dollars. it's going to take more than removing all the pedophiles and pervs. it's going to take more than a new foreign trade agreement. it's going to take more than a gang truce. it's going to take more than education. it's going to take more than prayer. it's going to take more than peace.

oh, i don't know it might take ... a whole lotta LOVE ...

so, put all that hype ... to bed. it's dead.

hope is alive. BELIEVE ... ... ... in YOURself.

put bam bam to bed, bed, bed. that man is tired right now ;)

Thursday, June 19, 2008

oprah feeling some bLacklash

sometimes star magazine has important news ... AND reveals something important about america. i read in the june 16th edition (i was in the dentist's office no bullshit) that oprah is "losing it."

pasted on top of a big picture of oprah hugging barack obama are the words: "her ratings are down, her magazine is on the decline, and she is miserable."



the rag mag goes on to say "even tom [cruise] can't save her."

then they published the results of their poll which addressed the question: ARE YOU TURNED OFF BY OPRAH'S SUPPORT OF OBAMA? 61% of STAR rag mag readers said YES! and 39% said NO.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm .......

what does this all mean? star mag readers are racist? fa sho! but what else? who reads star? many "average" americans who obsess about pop culture, superstars, and fame. but still, A LOT of people read that shit. and now more than half of them ain't fucking with oprah - cuz of barack. and i quote: "oprah's endorsement of democratic presidential candidate, Sen. barack obama made some fans change the channel."

WOW. first, i was struck because i thought white people and other americans would never turn their back on her. oprah is the beloved dark child of white america. oprah has often been the frustration of progressive, radical black americans because she was the beloved of white america and did little to change that image.

second, i was hit with the irony that oprah may have been right all these years. i can't lie, i won't front ... i hated on oprah cuz her show was whitewashed, she catered to whitey, she had damn near all-white audiences, she stayed away from controversial race issues for twenty years ... she used none of her PUBLIC influence to intervene in racial conflict ... she was very negro. old school. blah blah ... but ... maybe she was right.

if she had talked all that rah rah black power shit ... she might not be as famous as she is now ... she might not have as much money (fa sho) ... and she might not be so "well-respected" ... she might not have gained so much power ...

or maybe ... the lesson is that pandering to whitey always makes your power temporary ... at any moment they can revoke your race-invisibility card ... at any moment they can yank your power plug ... even after 24 years on air ... they can decide to paint you black and deem you powerless.

the rag mag says it all started to go downhill three years ago. "oprah's ratings dropped nearly 7% in the last three years. in that same time 'O' magazine lost 1 out of ten readers." gee ... what happened three years ago ... oh maybe barack anounced his candidacy and oprah threw her chips in with the BLACK MAN ...

these are the kinds of observations black people laugh about at the dinner table. i never thought star magazine (or any publication) would print a real article about it ... i know i know, it's star mag ... but it's indicative of larger society.

some very regular unassuming americans read STAR magazine (you'd be surprised) ... even some men read it ...

so now, i sit and wonder (as i often do about oprah) ... how does this make oprah feel? does she feel like she made a mistake? does she wish she could take her endorsement back and be race-neutral again? or was she biding her time - by waiting 24 years to come out publicly as a black person on her own terms, with millions in the bank? i'll probly never know ... and i am content with that.

as for star magazine ... i think i might boycott ... i think it's their turn for some blacklash.

we love you oprah (why not?)! keep the faith! (and get that school in south africa FIXED).

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

part II: obama's PAN-afrikan appeal

how a blackish president might be good for the wold as a whole ... they loving that nig in france ... you know ... FRANCE ... where black people rioted and burned up the streets for WEEKS last year (or the year before) and where they outlaw the muslim headscarf in SCHOOLS ... where they are often blatantly racist and black people (and others of color) are blatantly disenfranchised ... the whole notion of bam bam empowering people worldwide ... gives me tangles (same as tingles).

read the full article here ...

and here's a lil excerpt:
PARIS - "When Youssoupha, a black rapper here, was asked the other day what was on his mind, a grin spread across his face. 'Barack Obama,' he said. 'Obama tells us everything is possible.'"

sock obama

i'm late on this ... but i thought the visual was hot ... no, not REALLY (kinda) ... i'm just keeping track of the culture clash ... and i thought we should have this one on record ... you can read about the controversy here ... and i think the sock obama is kinda cute ... i'm starting not to care that white people think we look like monkeys ... monkeys are CUTE ;) (yes, that's a wink so no, i'm not TOTALLY serious).

a rich reading

frank rich writes a bomb ass op-ed in the NYTimes ery sunday (damn near). i wanted to put his latest one on blast cuz as usual he is on point. his latest piece illuminates the relationship between the media and the GOP ... and their mutual obsession with a) denigrating the Democratic party, and b) perpetuating myths about how obama has a BLACKNESS problem.

here's a lil taste:
The fictional scenario of mobs of crazed women defecting to Mr. McCain is just one subplot of the master narrative that has consumed our politics for months. The larger plot has it that the Democratic Party is hopelessly divided, and that only a ticket containing Mrs. Clinton in either slot could retain the loyalty of white male bowlers and other constituencies who tended to prefer her to Mr. Obama in the primaries.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

be-late edition: bam bam's father's day speech

**[blogger's note: uh i pasted his whole joint below cuz i like to offer the entire context. to steal a phrase from a fellow blogger, this is why it's good to have a blackish president in amerikkka. bill cosby is proud right now.]**



Good morning. It's good to be home on this Father's Day with my girls, and it's an honor to spend some time with all of you today in the house of our Lord.

At the end of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus closes by saying, "Whoever hears these words of mine, and does them, shall be likened to a wise man who built his house upon a rock: and the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house, and it fell not, for it was founded upon a rock." [Matthew 7: 24-25]

Here at Apostolic, you are blessed to worship in a house that has been founded on the rock of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. But it is also built on another rock, another foundation - and that rock is Bishop Arthur Brazier. In forty-eight years, he has built this congregation from just a few hundred to more than 20,000 strong - a congregation that, because of his leadership, has braved the fierce winds and heavy rains of violence and poverty; joblessness and hopelessness. Because of his work and his ministry, there are more graduates and fewer gang members in the neighborhoods surrounding this church. There are more homes and fewer homeless. There is more community and less chaos because Bishop Brazier continued the march for justice that he began by Dr. King's side all those years ago. He is the reason this house has stood tall for half a century. And on this Father's Day, it must make him proud to know that the man now charged with keeping its foundation strong is his son and your new pastor, Reverend Byron Brazier.

Of all the rocks upon which we build our lives, we are reminded today that family is the most important. And we are called to recognize and honor how critical every father is to that foundation. They are teachers and coaches. They are mentors and role models. They are examples of success and the men who constantly push us toward it.

But if we are honest with ourselves, we'll admit that what too many fathers also are is missing - missing from too many lives and too many homes. They have abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men. And the foundations of our families are weaker because of it.

You and I know how true this is in the African-American community. We know that more than half of all black children live in single-parent households, a number that has doubled - doubled - since we were children. We know the statistics - that children who grow up without a father are five times more likely to live in poverty and commit crime; nine times more likely to drop out of schools and twenty times more likely to end up in prison. They are more likely to have behavioral problems, or run away from home, or become teenage parents themselves. And the foundations of our community are weaker because of it.

How many times in the last year has this city lost a child at the hands of another child? How many times have our hearts stopped in the middle of the night with the sound of a gunshot or a siren? How many teenagers have we seen hanging around on street corners when they should be sitting in a classroom? How many are sitting in prison when they should be working, or at least looking for a job? How many in this generation are we willing to lose to poverty or violence or addiction? How many?

Yes, we need more cops on the street. Yes, we need fewer guns in the hands of people who shouldn't have them. Yes, we need more money for our schools, and more outstanding teachers in the classroom, and more afterschool programs for our children. Yes, we need more jobs and more job training and more opportunity in our communities.

But we also need families to raise our children. We need fathers to realize that responsibility does not end at conception. We need them to realize that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child - it's the courage to raise one.

We need to help all the mothers out there who are raising these kids by themselves; the mothers who drop them off at school, go to work, pick up them up in the afternoon, work another shift, get dinner, make lunches, pay the bills, fix the house, and all the other things it takes both parents to do. So many of these women are doing a heroic job, but they need support. They need another parent. Their children need another parent. That's what keeps their foundation strong. It's what keeps the foundation of our country strong.

I know what it means to have an absent father, although my circumstances weren't as tough as they are for many young people today. Even though my father left us when I was two years old, and I only knew him from the letters he wrote and the stories that my family told, I was luckier than most. I grew up in Hawaii, and had two wonderful grandparents from Kansas who poured everything they had into helping my mother raise my sister and me - who worked with her to teach us about love and respect and the obligations we have to one another. I screwed up more often than I should've, but I got plenty of second chances. And even though we didn't have a lot of money, scholarships gave me the opportunity to go to some of the best schools in the country. A lot of kids don't get these chances today. There is no margin for error in their lives. So my own story is different in that way.

Still, I know the toll that being a single parent took on my mother - how she struggled at times to the pay bills; to give us the things that other kids had; to play all the roles that both parents are supposed to play. And I know the toll it took on me. So I resolved many years ago that it was my obligation to break the cycle - that if I could be anything in life, I would be a good father to my girls; that if I could give them anything, I would give them that rock - that foundation - on which to build their lives. And that would be the greatest gift I could offer.

I say this knowing that I have been an imperfect father - knowing that I have made mistakes and will continue to make more; wishing that I could be home for my girls and my wife more than I am right now. I say this knowing all of these things because even as we are imperfect, even as we face difficult circumstances, there are still certain lessons we must strive to live and learn as fathers - whether we are black or white; rich or poor; from the South Side or the wealthiest suburb.

The first is setting an example of excellence for our children - because if we want to set high expectations for them, we've got to set high expectations for ourselves. It's great if you have a job; it's even better if you have a college degree. It's a wonderful thing if you are married and living in a home with your children, but don't just sit in the house and watch "SportsCenter" all weekend long. That's why so many children are growing up in front of the television. As fathers and parents, we've got to spend more time with them, and help them with their homework, and replace the video game or the remote control with a book once in awhile. That's how we build that foundation.

We know that education is everything to our children's future. We know that they will no longer just compete for good jobs with children from Indiana, but children from India and China and all over the world. We know the work and the studying and the level of education that requires.

You know, sometimes I'll go to an eighth-grade graduation and there's all that pomp and circumstance and gowns and flowers. And I think to myself, it's just eighth grade. To really compete, they need to graduate high school, and then they need to graduate college, and they probably need a graduate degree too. An eighth-grade education doesn't cut it today. Let's give them a handshake and tell them to get their butts back in the library!

It's up to us - as fathers and parents - to instill this ethic of excellence in our children. It's up to us to say to our daughters, don't ever let images on TV tell you what you are worth, because I expect you to dream without limit and reach for those goals. It's up to us to tell our sons, those songs on the radio may glorify violence, but in my house we live glory to achievement, self respect, and hard work. It's up to us to set these high expectations. And that means meeting those expectations ourselves. That means setting examples of excellence in our own lives.

The second thing we need to do as fathers is pass along the value of empathy to our children. Not sympathy, but empathy - the ability to stand in somebody else's shoes; to look at the world through their eyes. Sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in "us," that we forget about our obligations to one another. There's a culture in our society that says remembering these obligations is somehow soft - that we can't show weakness, and so therefore we can't show kindness.

But our young boys and girls see that. They see when you are ignoring or mistreating your wife. They see when you are inconsiderate at home; or when you are distant; or when you are thinking only of yourself. And so it's no surprise when we see that behavior in our schools or on our streets. That's why we pass on the values of empathy and kindness to our children by living them. We need to show our kids that you're not strong by putting other people down - you're strong by lifting them up. That's our responsibility as fathers.

And by the way - it's a responsibility that also extends to Washington. Because if fathers are doing their part; if they're taking our responsibilities seriously to be there for their children, and set high expectations for them, and instill in them a sense of excellence and empathy, then our government should meet them halfway.

We should be making it easier for fathers who make responsible choices and harder for those who avoid them. We should get rid of the financial penalties we impose on married couples right now, and start making sure that every dime of child support goes directly to helping children instead of some bureaucrat. We should reward fathers who pay that child support with job training and job opportunities and a larger Earned Income Tax Credit that can help them pay the bills. We should expand programs where registered nurses visit expectant and new mothers and help them learn how to care for themselves before the baby is born and what to do after - programs that have helped increase father involvement, women's employment, and children's readiness for school. We should help these new families care for their children by expanding maternity and paternity leave, and we should guarantee every worker more paid sick leave so they can stay home to take care of their child without losing their income.

We should take all of these steps to build a strong foundation for our children. But we should also know that even if we do; even if we meet our obligations as fathers and parents; even if Washington does its part too, we will still face difficult challenges in our lives. There will still be days of struggle and heartache. The rains will still come and the winds will still blow.

And that is why the final lesson we must learn as fathers is also the greatest gift we can pass on to our children - and that is the gift of hope.

I'm not talking about an idle hope that's little more than blind optimism or willful ignorance of the problems we face. I'm talking about hope as that spirit inside us that insists, despite all evidence to the contrary, that something better is waiting for us if we're willing to work for it and fight for it. If we are willing to believe.

I was answering questions at a town hall meeting in Wisconsin the other day and a young man raised his hand, and I figured he'd ask about college tuition or energy or maybe the war in Iraq. But instead he looked at me very seriously and he asked, "What does life mean to you?"

Now, I have to admit that I wasn't quite prepared for that one. I think I stammered for a little bit, but then I stopped and gave it some thought, and I said this:

When I was a young man, I thought life was all about me - how do I make my way in the world, and how do I become successful and how do I get the things that I want.

But now, my life revolves around my two little girls. And what I think about is what kind of world I'm leaving them. Are they living in a county where there's a huge gap between a few who are wealthy and a whole bunch of people who are struggling every day? Are they living in a county that is still divided by race? A country where, because they're girls, they don't have as much opportunity as boys do? Are they living in a country where we are hated around the world because we don't cooperate effectively with other nations? Are they living in a world that is in grave danger because of what we've done to its climate?

And what I've realized is that life doesn't count for much unless you're willing to do your small part to leave our children - all of our children - a better world. Even if it's difficult. Even if the work seems great. Even if we don't get very far in our lifetime.

That is our ultimate responsibility as fathers and parents. We try. We hope. We do what we can to build our house upon the sturdiest rock. And when the winds come, and the rains fall, and they beat upon that house, we keep faith that our Father will be there to guide us, and watch over us, and protect us, and lead His children through the darkest of storms into light of a better day. That is my prayer for all of us on this Father's Day, and that is my hope for this country in the years ahead. May God Bless you and your children. Thank you.

one answer?

NO!

... GOP is so scared. access more story here.

Friday, June 13, 2008

one word

TRAVESTY.

paint the white house black

oooooo she called ya mama ... a mama ... WHAT is going on in america today?



you can get full details at daily kos cuz i aint goin into the nitty gritty. all i'm fascinated by is the clash of cultures.

i don't think i'm offended per se ... i mean FOX news is just plain offensive on the regular. it generally offends me. outside of that i don't automatically reach for a can of whoop ass when i hear about all this hoopla with the baby mama comments about michelle obama ...

BUT whatever FIX news tells you - they did it on purpose. and they did it to be demeaning.



i think i get stuck at this auto-assumption that being a baby mama is a BAD thing ... is that NECESSARILY an insult? ... i personally happen to be a baby mama ... so .......

now, i will say that in the black community and our culture ... it's seen as an insult if that woman is actually some man's WIFE ... but it's not seen as an insult to baby mamas ... unless some trifling behavior is attached to it ...

but white america doesn't really know how we get down. the white media can't even find the vocabulary to discuss this. they don't have the historical context to bring any meaning to these words. and black journalists are struggling to come up with explanations they've never had to offer before.

white people of FOX news using the term 'baby mama' is kinda like when white people used to dress up in blackface. FOX news is parodying black culture by ATTEMPTING to use our language to describe us.

it's a clash. all of a sudden black culture hits the mainstream. white people are bumbling in their rush to now incorporate black lexicon into it's morning shows. if they could the white people would call all the black culture experts ... but there are none. who is the king of the streets?? who can translate language that moves organically and fluidly from county to county and state to state? who wrote the black language anyway?

LOL oooooooo it's so funny ... and black people who must appear on TV with white people don't know who wrote our language either ... cuz it has no king, it has no pro-genitor, it has no BABY DADDY ... it is natural and floating and all oral ...

so i say, be offended if you want cuz FOX meant to offend. but don't feel as if you have to ..... i prefer sitting back and laughing at white people and black people struggle to navigate a culture clash the likes of which none of us have ever experienced before ...

i am not even the slightest bit worried about black folks LOSING our culture ... we so resilient, we so inventive, we so creative, we so smart ... we keep coming up with shit so fast nobody (not the japanese, the europeans, the punjabs) and i mean nobody can keep up with us ...

guess it's just that we so blessed to be opressed.

(but truly i am not making a black supremacist argument - i was being sarcastic. there are others who are equally oppressed as black folk. AND other culture are equally resilient and smart - i was begin facetious because all culture works the way black culture works.)

i didn't mean to write this much on this topic ...

UPDATE: caught sight of this new blog at salon.com ... this dude takes offense and again ... attempts to find the roots of the term "baby mama" ... it's just interesting to watch him scramble around from jamaican patois to ... yawn.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

monica's song

my first guiding principle to this blog ... don't take it personal.

maybe you read about this in that book The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz or maybe somebody tossed you that bit of advice offhandedly as they proceeded to stand you up, break a promise, cuss you out, or steal from you. it's hard to swallow aint it?

why is this so hard for people to do? because humans - operating within their own selves - cannot take their Self (capital S) out of it. it's not all about you, unfortunately, it's really not. you think it's about YOU cuz YOU trapped in your own mind and world.

but i don't judge you for it cuz guess what ... i been there. i took everything personal and i exacted retribution for it all too. even now, these days, i have to FIGHT not to take some things personal. how do i fight? well i turn every situation on myself. i ask myself: why does this hurt so much? what is it you believe about yourself that makes the words of ANOTHER ring true for YOU?

(don miguel really outlines all this in his book so you could simply skip this blog and go right to his book. but he don't cuss like me.)

but occasionally, i like to explore a book ... and i like to discuss how the concepts in a book are applicable to my daily life. in my own life i have found don miguel's words to be entirely true. i have learned through personal experience that usually when a person has a problem with me they really have a problem with themselves. furthermore, any hurt from others turns out to be my own hurt that i have been inflicting on myself for years.

it was a sad way to live. always trying to figure out other people's motives and intentions. what a waste of time. i have been mistreated, i have been cheated, i have been hurt by people i love. but i learned to let those people be themselves because it was never because they WANTED to hurt me it was because they were trapped in their own ideas about how they should act and treat other people and protect their own feelings and desires.

the hardest part for me was to acknowledge that those people i loved weren't AWARE of themselves and how they treated others. some of them are still not and i still love them. but once i could understand that those people had fears and behavioral programming that i could not change ... i let go of making them responsible for how i feel.

i am the only one responsible for how i feel. 'don't take it personal' leaves the stain of dirty energy on the perpetrators, the unjust, the malignants, the enemies, the lovers who fuck up, the parents who are oblivious ... and it never reflects on my own character.

i do not internalize the names people call me. i do not believe that when i don't get a raise it's because i don't deserve it. i refuse to believe that just because my mother doesn't tell me she is proud of me that i have nothing to be proud of.

in order to not take anything personal you must already believe in yourself to the utmost core. you must be fortified by your own integrity. you know your heart better than anyone ... and if you don't you can get to know your heart and you can heal your heart so that your integrity shines through to your own self.

kkk for bam bam!

i came across a funny piece today on the southern poverty law center's hatewatch blog .... it's all about how white supremacist orgs are pro-obama because they think a black president will be the wake-up call white americans need ... you know the "worse-before-it-gets-better" argument ...

they think obama might make things so bad for white people that white people will remember they are white and join the KKK ... riiiiiiiight

what really scared me while reading this is the rigidity of racial division ... it's almost like racism is a play and everyone has their role. as if to say black characters always act this way and white characters always act this way. it struck me that racism - in this case - can be such a seductive CHOICE ... a chance to blame someone else when things aren't going right in your life ... an opportunity to never be accountable for your own failings ...

when the economy continues to slip and joe schmoe in wichita loses his job ... is he going to think it's obama's fault? (even though g.w put the economic policy in motion and it doesn't matter who the president is at the time) well, he just might ... cuz racism teaches us people are motivated by their skin color and when skin colors are different people become automatic enemies ... racism is so ... easy. you already know who has your back and you know who has it against you ... simple.

i do think racism works differently when the power dynamic is switched ... i.e. the process of racism is not the same for marginalized and opressed people ...

i am not saying it's better. and i am saying there is still a choice. but it processes in peoples' minds very differently and much more subconciously. read my earlier blog on how racism works for people of color. if you are a racist and you are reading this you will not be able to distinguish the intellectual nuance in my position.

which leads me to my final point ... racism is lazy thinking ... no matter what color you are. a group of people is never all bad or all good.

we are all fucked up human beings with our perfect imperfections. love me anyway?

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

"a word is not a crystal"

'How could the man who gave me permission to "go to war" against racial insult turn around and proudly refer to himself as a nigger? My father could do so because he intuited what Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes once observed -- that "a word is not a crystal, transparent and unchanged," but is instead "the skin of a living thought [that] may vary greatly in color and content according to the circumstances and time in which it is used."' -- nigger: the strange career of a troublesome word by Randall Kennedy, p. xviii

a video of nas's upcoming & sure-to-be-controversial song, 'be a nigger too':



i recommend the book, nigger: the strange career of a troublesome word by Randall Kennedy, to anyone who is engaged in the philosophical debate about the infamous N-word. while i don't agree with every last thought expressed in that book, randall kennedy presents some refreshing ideas that are not circulated in mainstream media. furthermore, the author is a middle aged black man from the midwest and i was intrigued by his stance.

let me share some more of that stance with you:

"Some entertainers who openly use nigger reject Cosby's politics of respectability, which counsels African Americans to mind their manners and mouths in the presence of whites. This group of performers doubts the efficacy of seeking to burnish the image of African Americans in the eyes of white folk. Some think that the racial perceptions of most whites are beyond changing; others believe that whatever marginal benefits of politics of respectability may yield are not worth the psychic cost of giving up or diluting cultural rituals that blacks enjoy ... These entertainers don't care whether whites find nigger upsetting. They don't care whether whites are confused by blacks' use of the term. And they don't care whether whites who hear blacks using the N-word think that African Americans lack self-respect. The black comedians and rappers who use and enjoy nigger care principally, perhaps exclusively, about what they themselvs think, desire, and enjoy ... They eschew boring conventions, including the one that maintains, despite massive evidence to the contrary, that nigger can only mean one thing." -- p. 134-135

as i have personally participated in this debate and listened to the arguments of those who are ANTI-NIGGA and want to ban the word from the english language several patterns have emerged to me in the thought processes of these anti-nigga folk.

the first is a lack of basic understanding about linguistics which is simply another word for how language works. many people either deny that the universal laws of linguistics apply to the word nigga or they are ignorant of the linguistic laws that have governed ALL language and communication systems since the beginning of time. linguistics is not a white thing. its a human thing. and language is always and has always been about context.

secondly. the other underlying pattern that i detect in arguments that object to nigga is simply fear. fear of one thing. the RE-action of white people. whether its: white people will start saying it, white people will start believing it, white people wont know the differences in definition .... etc etc. its all a fear of the RE-action of white people. and if you find your mind wandering down that path --- pause ...

lastly. the pattern of self-hatred in the "disrespecting ourselves by using nigga" argument. if a person says we disrespect ourselves by using the word nigga than that person assumes that nigga means something disrespectful. if nigga was created by a white man to mean: a black person who is lazy and trifling BECUZ they are black ... does it really mean that? are there really black people who cant help but be trifling because they are black? if you believe so then you are yourself a racist. if you are black and believe so than you hate yourself as well. IF nigga is a false concept in the derogatory use of the term and there is no such thing REALLY as a nigga ...

then how does it accurately characterize any real human being?

not one cent

well ... since the iraqi war ... the value of the dollar has dropped ... oil prices have risen ... federal monies have dried up ... social services have shriveled ... college loans are near impossible to get approved for ... homes are being foreclosed on ... and the war is still raging ... nothing is won ... almost all is lost

and i read this article today ... and i wanna say 'i told yall so' but it just leaves a foul taste in my mouth ... bitter coffee dregs ... where's the satisfaction in being right about iraq ... i knew that g.w. would blow all our tax money paying off his contracting buddies (the biggest one being haliburton) ... and paying iraqi officials who could care less about iraqi people and care more about licking g.w.'s toe jam ... i knew that an unstable region would misplace billions of our hard earned american dollars ... but knowing didn't save nobody a cent.

damn. sometimes i hate to be right.

so, now what? ..................... not next time? never again?

are there people out there ... who give a fuck ...

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

alter. translation: the fist bump?

ok ... so maybe white people do it too ... but it has distinct meaning in the black community ... and apparently white folks call it the 'fist-bump' ... i wonder if they always hyphenate or if that's optional ... yawn ... you can read about their involvement with the 'fist-bump' here.

and of course some visuals ... something just isn't the same ...

Monday, June 9, 2008

black culture lost in translation ...

here we go. and i fear it's just the beginning.

you do realize that with a REAL black candidate for president that many displays of black culture are about to become media food. they are going to stuff themselves.

i didn't see this particular incident (i am more interested in the NBA finals these days than the fucking presidential circus race) but i saw a pic ....



no biggie for black folks (who uh subscribe to black culture - there are those black folks who subscribe to the more 'generic' american culture). michelle and barack gave each other a pound. a fist pound ... no biggie.

but as i peruse the blogs this morning it seems to have come up in mass media ... it is CONFUSING many newscasters ... they can't put a LABEL on it ... they don't know how to INTERPRET it ... they infer other meanings from it ... one lady had the fucking AUDACITY to call it a 'terrorist fist jab' .... ahhhhhhhhhh sweet, sweet ignorance ... brings out the xenophobia, retardedness, and lame ass commentary in PROFESSIONAL (?) journalists ...

on so many levels this reveals so much about fucked up fucking america ...

1) the compulsion white people feel to label everything
2) the disconnection between black culture and the rest of america
3) latent racism ... TERRORIST fist jab???????
4) the compulsion of white people to fill empty silence with retarded words
5) the compulsion of white people to over-compensate for their disconnectedness with black america by using insulting language
6) the latent discomfort of white america with a separate, untranslated, black culture
7) racism is still going strong!

some of my points may overlap but you know what ... i RUN this blog ... suck ya mudda white america! (after you go look that phrase up in one of your enthnographic reference journals)

white america ... i hate to hate you ... i want to love you ... but you don't even speak my language ... where does that leave us now?

Monday, June 2, 2008

new new shit: the john brown awards?

as you may or may not know ... i am trying to forgive white people ...

i am not quite there yet ... more than a lil bit ... to go

however! i am co-signing for this blog written by melissa harris-lacewell ... i am not sure i think edwards should get one but the fact that i am open to this concept at all is a signifier that i am growing ... my heart is opening ...

i really wanna love white people. for all the opposite reasons that most people love them. i want to love them for their shortcomings and their evil ways. the way jesus would? anyways ... i think john brown awards are a good idea ...

i just hope white people and black people and all other people don't start to take it too serious. cuz then there will be fights about who hands out the awards, what is the criteria, where the red carpet will be (marcy projects or cabrini green?) ... you know how white people created formal bureaucracy ... ooops there i go again - generalizing :)

i'd rather white people just go john brown on us than get preoccupied with receiving accolades from black people.

go BE the next john brown!