operation save my life -- phase 4: CHATTAHOOCHIE BRIDGE

I have arrived. I’m here. But my arrival at this destination is the beginning of another journey. Cuz there is no destination … there’s only more arriving and leaving … driving people to the train … and picking em up from the airport. Maybe I’ll call it operation … LIVE … nah no more titles for the chapters of my life … for now.

There is a bridge in Atlanta that you might miss if you’re speeding towards 285 because it’s not much of a bridge … can’t ever see the entrance and there are no cars on it … it’s a mythical place … named chattahoochie. I just like that name. it reminds me of magic and silliness and spirit. It reminds me of hoochie words that I like to use. It’s so southern, so far from Brooklyn … it reminds me how far I’ve come. And what I’ve come for. How I got to be here and the hoochie-ness of my soul.

i am here cuz I know I been driving a lot. I love to drive and see things that God made. Like that chattahoochie bridge. Or trees that my ex-mother-in-law calls boogar bears. Or clouds in the sky. I like to know I’m part of something larger as I’m headed out into the small-minded world. I never had that in Brooklyn. In NY you mostly transport yourself underground on the nasty train.

I know I’ve arrived cuz I got this new job where I stand on my feet and I never sit behind a desk. they started training me yesterday and i love it!!! My dreams are all coming true … in that weird way that God works … I had faith I could do this … and because it’s his will I am doing it. I’ma do it so good … I’ma have fat tips … pray for me, please.

I BELIEVED that if I arrived in Atlanta and I put my artistic work schedule in place that the script I was working on would finish itself. And what do you know … CHATTAHOOCHIE … it is unfolding in front of my very eyes. I do the hard part okay … I sit in front of the computer for a specific time for at least 5 days a week. And the magic comes … ideas strike me in the brain, my fingers push out words and dialogue I didn’t know was there. I am so thankful … this is a 4-year-prayer answered … here … and I know the destination is the journey. I am learning to divorce my labor from its fruits. The joy is in the process. In each day I create something new. Each day it’s not finished but it is its own finished creation. I have a long way to go but I’m trying not to focus on that. I know that my script will be more beautiful the more I love it everyday. And I’m not concerned with the end but with my daily tasks. Besides it’s god’s fruit … totally. I can only wonder that I’m his servant who he chose to write this.

I am watching my daughter unfold. I am focusing on each day we have … we no longer see each other EVERY day so I know I’m here … at this new place … and it’s hard but it’s for a good purpose and she needs to be with her other parents and family who love her in unique ways … so I’ve distilled time down to her essence …and I drink her in sips … and my daughter … I feel her flavors as they are growing and changing … and tickling me. My spirit is more at peace, I’m happier and she feels that too … in this new place … we are a little brand new. And falling in love with each other again every day.

I couldn’t be here driving and looking at the world from the highway if God hadn’t blessed me with a car … it’s all his money I play with anyway … he brings it and he taketh it away … he gave me the skills and body to work so I can always make more change … he blessed me with work ethic and drive … I don’t know jackshit about cars really except how they drive and if I like the way they feel so I prayed and I asked God to make possible what was good, right, and best for me …he led me to a dealer, and a car I liked arrived … so I love my car and I named her dimples.

all this to say that operation save my life is over and the living is still going on … I met all of my goals and MORE … than I ever imagined …my spirit is finally at ease … that godforsaken job is behind me, nyc is behind me … my art is percolating and the journey is fulfilling ery ery day. Here … looking at chattahoochie bridge.

fact check: chattahoochie is really spelled chattahoochee and it's also a river that runs through georgia, alabama, tennessee, and florida ... i think :)

phase 3 -- operation save my life: the unknown

i didn't know what would await me in atlanta in june. i BELIEVED that i could get work before i moved out there. i BELIEVED i could find an apt in five days ... i BELIEVED that the rental car would end up paying for itself (or i would end up being able to pay for it) ...

i could have made a better list of restuaurants and called them all ahead of time etc etc but i thought i was doing good by printing out the addresses ... i had asked "industry" people i knew what restaurants were hot and where i might find big tips ... i also did a blind search on the net ... i had 15-20 restaurants staked out ... i ended up visiting about 12 ...

people were telling me that this was a personality industry and i prayed it was true cuz all i really had going for me was ... personality ... see, you never met me but if you ever did ... or if i ever get this video blog off the ground ... you'll know what i'm talking about. so anyways, even if i do have a warm smile and bright eyes is that enough to get me a job???

yes.

from my first interview to my last i got great feedback. folks took time to talk to me. many told me to call back for an interview. one told me to return for an interview (never mind they weren't there when i came back - it's part of life.) and several told me to call them when i returned to atlanta for good.

once i stepped into the unknown i realized my dreams really were possible.

if we keep looking at the unknown from a distance we will never KNOW.

both my feet were plunged in and it was at the last interview where something CLICKED. i just felt right. i loved the look of the three-story, fancy pants, french-esque restaurant that was in the heart of midtown atlanta. the woman who interviewed me mentioned that someone was quitting in a few weeks and that my timing (GOD) was perfect. she said she could start me as a hostess and then i could possibly train as a waitress. she gave me her personal cell and i had a feeling the job was mine. i told her i would call her in two weeks when i was back in the A.

as for housing ... i was blessed with many options. friends had invited me stay with them. but i was reluctant to impose on anyone. so, i looked at a few apartments in certain neighborhoods but i felt overwhelmed by how huge the atlanta metro area was. the biggest blessing is that my daughter's grandmother - BD's mom - owned an apartment complex that was down the street from my daughter's new school. the unknown part is that i didn't know what the apartments looked like or if i would like them. i kinda knew that God had my back ... he had set something aside for me ... and he did.

the grace and mercy is that my daughter's grandmother was an angel who offered me flexiblity and love ... in a landlord.

bi-level 2BR townhomes with eat-in kitchens ... some other tenant left a washer/dryer behind ... we can move that in your apartment she said ... i wanted light cuz i paint ... i found a sunny unit with brand new carpeting ... good condition ... the area is transitioning ... used to be way hood but now it's only hood depending on who you talk to ... aint all that hood to me ... i hear birds chirping ... and crickets humping ... and sometimes just wind moving in between leaves ... oh, and it's in my price range ... i was sold!!!!

i flew back to nyc with contentment in my heart ... i had saved the money i needed, i had an apartment, and i was pretty sure i had a job ... i gave notice the next day!

of course, some folks had to warn me that a lot of restaurants promise girls they can become servers but they never come thru ... they just keep you as a hostess and wear you out ... this is true. i had already heard this. but this wasn't going to be my story (and if it was i had a plan B) cuz that thing in me that i've had since i was little went off in my brain: i write my own story and when i work hard and try my best things change/move/open and the impossible becomes possible ...

i also placed the job outcome all in God's hands. i didn't try to figure out with my intellect which job was better, sexier, etc. ... i let God do her thing ... and she did me right. i didn't worry or stress. that was my covenant. God knew he had my total trust and faith.

the woman from that fancy-pants french restaurant called me before i even got to atlanta. she called the day i was driving down - that's how anxious she was to hire me. when i got her message two days later (i had just arrived in atlanta and i was exhausted after driving for 20 hours) i called her right away. she asked me to come in for a second interview with her GM and other managers. i was there - early.

i was hired and started work the first week i had arrived in atlanta.

i never imagined it would happen just like this. that everything would fall into place. i mean i had FAITH but to witness it unfold before your very eyes ... is encouraging, heartening, and doubly inspiring.

love your dream. cuz God put it in you. and he will see you thru to the end of the rainbow.

phase 4 coming soon ... the picture is of a painting i have been working on for 7-8 years ... it's only one small reason why i moved - so i can finish it!

phase 2 -- operation save my life: the long hard winter

sometimes you just got to put your nose to the grindstone. and keep chugging. wake up everyday (late) round 7 am .... if lucky. take the baby to school. go to work. work at work (or not). pick the baby up. walk half a mile home in 7 year old legs. make/buy/fake some dinner. check baby's homework. tickle baby. give the baby a bath. put the baby to bed. take a shower. fall out.

wake up and do it all over again.

from december to july it was the hardest part of my plan: the sucking it up and being patient part.

in the little free time i had i looked up stuff about atlanta on the internet. i put all my furniture in storage. i prayed a lot ... i fell asleep around 10 pm a lot. i lived on credit when my salary couldn't cover all the bills. i humbled myself and allowed myself to accept gifts and assistance from my family and friends.

i still gave like i had money in the bank. i sent books to a lot of friends that winter ... i still had some ridiculously expensive work lunches. i did not worry and i did not stress about money or moving or getting a job or getting a car. i spoke with the Lord and i said "Lord, if you want me to do this and this is part of your plan for me then i know you will make a way. i will trust you to send me to the right restaurant. I will expect that you will provide me and my daughter with adequate housing. I will lean on your timing. i will have faith that what money is not here today will be there one day when i really truly need it. i will know i am going the right way because there will be little or no resistance to my plans."

i had a lot of folks to pay ... the fed hit me up for thousands, the price of oil made the price of heating gas skyrocket, back taxes popped up, the price of tea in china ... and despite all these unexpected expenditures i met my saving targets. i had more money in the bank than ... ever? i also had more credit card debt but ... i had accomplished a major goal. at many points during that winter i wasn't sure how or if i would save enough but i did my best and GOD did the rest.

i had never in my adult life been without a job except when i was in grad school. i wasn't worried but many around me were ... and at times the questions would hit me: what if it takes me two months to find a restaurant job? what if the fact that i have limited restaurant experience gets in the way? where are you going to live? what if baby daddy flips the script?

and i would answer myself: then, that means it's not to be and you will go look for a job somewhere else; and if worse comes to worse my generous friends have opened their homes to me; as for baby daddy i can only pray. but damn, did my brain sound braver than i felt. i still aint worry. what would be the point? i was as excited to FAIL as i was to SUCCEED. have you ever felt like that?

now that the hardest part of my plan is over ... i can't even remember what it was like to be cold that winter ... i am just glad i made it through.

and as winter melted into summer i made plans to visit atlanta on june 27th to scout out restaurants, find an apartment, and get the lay of the land. i gave notice at my job on july 4th.

you will have to read the next installment of 'operation save my life' to find out what happened when i visited atlanta in june ...