monica's song

my first guiding principle to this blog ... don't take it personal.

maybe you read about this in that book The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz or maybe somebody tossed you that bit of advice offhandedly as they proceeded to stand you up, break a promise, cuss you out, or steal from you. it's hard to swallow aint it?

why is this so hard for people to do? because humans - operating within their own selves - cannot take their Self (capital S) out of it. it's not all about you, unfortunately, it's really not. you think it's about YOU cuz YOU trapped in your own mind and world.

but i don't judge you for it cuz guess what ... i been there. i took everything personal and i exacted retribution for it all too. even now, these days, i have to FIGHT not to take some things personal. how do i fight? well i turn every situation on myself. i ask myself: why does this hurt so much? what is it you believe about yourself that makes the words of ANOTHER ring true for YOU?

(don miguel really outlines all this in his book so you could simply skip this blog and go right to his book. but he don't cuss like me.)

but occasionally, i like to explore a book ... and i like to discuss how the concepts in a book are applicable to my daily life. in my own life i have found don miguel's words to be entirely true. i have learned through personal experience that usually when a person has a problem with me they really have a problem with themselves. furthermore, any hurt from others turns out to be my own hurt that i have been inflicting on myself for years.

it was a sad way to live. always trying to figure out other people's motives and intentions. what a waste of time. i have been mistreated, i have been cheated, i have been hurt by people i love. but i learned to let those people be themselves because it was never because they WANTED to hurt me it was because they were trapped in their own ideas about how they should act and treat other people and protect their own feelings and desires.

the hardest part for me was to acknowledge that those people i loved weren't AWARE of themselves and how they treated others. some of them are still not and i still love them. but once i could understand that those people had fears and behavioral programming that i could not change ... i let go of making them responsible for how i feel.

i am the only one responsible for how i feel. 'don't take it personal' leaves the stain of dirty energy on the perpetrators, the unjust, the malignants, the enemies, the lovers who fuck up, the parents who are oblivious ... and it never reflects on my own character.

i do not internalize the names people call me. i do not believe that when i don't get a raise it's because i don't deserve it. i refuse to believe that just because my mother doesn't tell me she is proud of me that i have nothing to be proud of.

in order to not take anything personal you must already believe in yourself to the utmost core. you must be fortified by your own integrity. you know your heart better than anyone ... and if you don't you can get to know your heart and you can heal your heart so that your integrity shines through to your own self.

kkk for bam bam!

i came across a funny piece today on the southern poverty law center's hatewatch blog .... it's all about how white supremacist orgs are pro-obama because they think a black president will be the wake-up call white americans need ... you know the "worse-before-it-gets-better" argument ...

they think obama might make things so bad for white people that white people will remember they are white and join the KKK ... riiiiiiiight

what really scared me while reading this is the rigidity of racial division ... it's almost like racism is a play and everyone has their role. as if to say black characters always act this way and white characters always act this way. it struck me that racism - in this case - can be such a seductive CHOICE ... a chance to blame someone else when things aren't going right in your life ... an opportunity to never be accountable for your own failings ...

when the economy continues to slip and joe schmoe in wichita loses his job ... is he going to think it's obama's fault? (even though g.w put the economic policy in motion and it doesn't matter who the president is at the time) well, he just might ... cuz racism teaches us people are motivated by their skin color and when skin colors are different people become automatic enemies ... racism is so ... easy. you already know who has your back and you know who has it against you ... simple.

i do think racism works differently when the power dynamic is switched ... i.e. the process of racism is not the same for marginalized and opressed people ...

i am not saying it's better. and i am saying there is still a choice. but it processes in peoples' minds very differently and much more subconciously. read my earlier blog on how racism works for people of color. if you are a racist and you are reading this you will not be able to distinguish the intellectual nuance in my position.

which leads me to my final point ... racism is lazy thinking ... no matter what color you are. a group of people is never all bad or all good.

we are all fucked up human beings with our perfect imperfections. love me anyway?

"a word is not a crystal"

'How could the man who gave me permission to "go to war" against racial insult turn around and proudly refer to himself as a nigger? My father could do so because he intuited what Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes once observed -- that "a word is not a crystal, transparent and unchanged," but is instead "the skin of a living thought [that] may vary greatly in color and content according to the circumstances and time in which it is used."' -- nigger: the strange career of a troublesome word by Randall Kennedy, p. xviii

a video of nas's upcoming & sure-to-be-controversial song, 'be a nigger too':



i recommend the book, nigger: the strange career of a troublesome word by Randall Kennedy, to anyone who is engaged in the philosophical debate about the infamous N-word. while i don't agree with every last thought expressed in that book, randall kennedy presents some refreshing ideas that are not circulated in mainstream media. furthermore, the author is a middle aged black man from the midwest and i was intrigued by his stance.

let me share some more of that stance with you:

"Some entertainers who openly use nigger reject Cosby's politics of respectability, which counsels African Americans to mind their manners and mouths in the presence of whites. This group of performers doubts the efficacy of seeking to burnish the image of African Americans in the eyes of white folk. Some think that the racial perceptions of most whites are beyond changing; others believe that whatever marginal benefits of politics of respectability may yield are not worth the psychic cost of giving up or diluting cultural rituals that blacks enjoy ... These entertainers don't care whether whites find nigger upsetting. They don't care whether whites are confused by blacks' use of the term. And they don't care whether whites who hear blacks using the N-word think that African Americans lack self-respect. The black comedians and rappers who use and enjoy nigger care principally, perhaps exclusively, about what they themselvs think, desire, and enjoy ... They eschew boring conventions, including the one that maintains, despite massive evidence to the contrary, that nigger can only mean one thing." -- p. 134-135

as i have personally participated in this debate and listened to the arguments of those who are ANTI-NIGGA and want to ban the word from the english language several patterns have emerged to me in the thought processes of these anti-nigga folk.

the first is a lack of basic understanding about linguistics which is simply another word for how language works. many people either deny that the universal laws of linguistics apply to the word nigga or they are ignorant of the linguistic laws that have governed ALL language and communication systems since the beginning of time. linguistics is not a white thing. its a human thing. and language is always and has always been about context.

secondly. the other underlying pattern that i detect in arguments that object to nigga is simply fear. fear of one thing. the RE-action of white people. whether its: white people will start saying it, white people will start believing it, white people wont know the differences in definition .... etc etc. its all a fear of the RE-action of white people. and if you find your mind wandering down that path --- pause ...

lastly. the pattern of self-hatred in the "disrespecting ourselves by using nigga" argument. if a person says we disrespect ourselves by using the word nigga than that person assumes that nigga means something disrespectful. if nigga was created by a white man to mean: a black person who is lazy and trifling BECUZ they are black ... does it really mean that? are there really black people who cant help but be trifling because they are black? if you believe so then you are yourself a racist. if you are black and believe so than you hate yourself as well. IF nigga is a false concept in the derogatory use of the term and there is no such thing REALLY as a nigga ...

then how does it accurately characterize any real human being?

not one cent

well ... since the iraqi war ... the value of the dollar has dropped ... oil prices have risen ... federal monies have dried up ... social services have shriveled ... college loans are near impossible to get approved for ... homes are being foreclosed on ... and the war is still raging ... nothing is won ... almost all is lost

and i read this article today ... and i wanna say 'i told yall so' but it just leaves a foul taste in my mouth ... bitter coffee dregs ... where's the satisfaction in being right about iraq ... i knew that g.w. would blow all our tax money paying off his contracting buddies (the biggest one being haliburton) ... and paying iraqi officials who could care less about iraqi people and care more about licking g.w.'s toe jam ... i knew that an unstable region would misplace billions of our hard earned american dollars ... but knowing didn't save nobody a cent.

damn. sometimes i hate to be right.

so, now what? ..................... not next time? never again?

are there people out there ... who give a fuck ...

alter. translation: the fist bump?

ok ... so maybe white people do it too ... but it has distinct meaning in the black community ... and apparently white folks call it the 'fist-bump' ... i wonder if they always hyphenate or if that's optional ... yawn ... you can read about their involvement with the 'fist-bump' here.

and of course some visuals ... something just isn't the same ...

black culture lost in translation ...

here we go. and i fear it's just the beginning.

you do realize that with a REAL black candidate for president that many displays of black culture are about to become media food. they are going to stuff themselves.

i didn't see this particular incident (i am more interested in the NBA finals these days than the fucking presidential circus race) but i saw a pic ....



no biggie for black folks (who uh subscribe to black culture - there are those black folks who subscribe to the more 'generic' american culture). michelle and barack gave each other a pound. a fist pound ... no biggie.

but as i peruse the blogs this morning it seems to have come up in mass media ... it is CONFUSING many newscasters ... they can't put a LABEL on it ... they don't know how to INTERPRET it ... they infer other meanings from it ... one lady had the fucking AUDACITY to call it a 'terrorist fist jab' .... ahhhhhhhhhh sweet, sweet ignorance ... brings out the xenophobia, retardedness, and lame ass commentary in PROFESSIONAL (?) journalists ...

on so many levels this reveals so much about fucked up fucking america ...

1) the compulsion white people feel to label everything
2) the disconnection between black culture and the rest of america
3) latent racism ... TERRORIST fist jab???????
4) the compulsion of white people to fill empty silence with retarded words
5) the compulsion of white people to over-compensate for their disconnectedness with black america by using insulting language
6) the latent discomfort of white america with a separate, untranslated, black culture
7) racism is still going strong!

some of my points may overlap but you know what ... i RUN this blog ... suck ya mudda white america! (after you go look that phrase up in one of your enthnographic reference journals)

white america ... i hate to hate you ... i want to love you ... but you don't even speak my language ... where does that leave us now?

new new shit: the john brown awards?

as you may or may not know ... i am trying to forgive white people ...

i am not quite there yet ... more than a lil bit ... to go

however! i am co-signing for this blog written by melissa harris-lacewell ... i am not sure i think edwards should get one but the fact that i am open to this concept at all is a signifier that i am growing ... my heart is opening ...

i really wanna love white people. for all the opposite reasons that most people love them. i want to love them for their shortcomings and their evil ways. the way jesus would? anyways ... i think john brown awards are a good idea ...

i just hope white people and black people and all other people don't start to take it too serious. cuz then there will be fights about who hands out the awards, what is the criteria, where the red carpet will be (marcy projects or cabrini green?) ... you know how white people created formal bureaucracy ... ooops there i go again - generalizing :)

i'd rather white people just go john brown on us than get preoccupied with receiving accolades from black people.

go BE the next john brown!