dust on thier cheeks

somalia is another hot spot ... no, not for vacation ... for war, hunger, starvation, displacement, refugee camps, terror, violence, rape, economic crisis, U.S. imperialism and probably a lot of thirst too ...

it's only getting worse (and we, as in america, helped to fuck it up more) ...

four-year-old Fatima walked with her family for two days to reach El Barde (to receive food):

(more) trouble in paradise

me, myself, personally never get tired of trying to understand the israel-palestine conflict. i do think it's a metaphor for something larger that i am also trying to understand (humanity). there is also something divine about that space and place which i hope to visit one day ... there is even something divine about israel and palestine ... is palestine the modern word for house of judah? i am reading the bible (it's long) so maybe i'm getting too biblo-technical or something like that ... some of you may not be familiar with judah ... i encourage you to research (i am not spoon-feeding you with a hyper-link this time ;)



all that long paragraph to say: there is more unrest and bloody terror as gaza has broken the most recent 'ceasefire' and now israel has shut the gaza border (again) ....

all that to say -- unlike the mainstream american media, i will not be ignoring pain and suffering in the world. i will be constantly reminding us ... there is much to be done in the world. much healing ... love could play a powerful role in the middle east. forgiveness being the key to peace. and compassion being the road to forgiveness. and love of self the doorway to compassion.

until then i'ma throw the blood and murder in ya face!

bitter plant ... or bitter root

the front page news in america today is all about the dude in the kentucky factory plant who went to work one morning and shot like four of his co-workers ... i think he may have then killed himself ... you can get the more accurate story here ...

i just highlight these goings on cuz ... it reminds us that many of us are sick and suffering ... that dude probably didn't love himself and could find no love in the world ... i feel for him, may he rest in peace, may god bless him and the other victims and their families.

more and more frequently there are stories like this ... i think there is a growing trend and right now it might not effect you ... but one day it could ... is that what it will take for us to start taking notice of each other's humanity?

5 to 30

(written in november of 2007)

i try to make everyday different.

i try to find the miracle(s) in every single day.

paulo coehlo's book, "by the river piedra i sat down and wept", taught me that.

maybe 'taught' is the wrong word. something in my spirit suspected that for many years. that there was something MORE to the days ... so affirmed is probably a more accurate word. that book affirmed that for me.

but this morning started to feel like the old days when it was one long day.

as i grew into an adult and had my daughter the days began to melt into one long day of obligation, duty, and responsibility. because as we become adults we are told by the outside world what responsibility must look like. and because i was afraid to look for a new paradigm of living.

today my daughter ... i am moving away from the term "made me feel bad" so i will say my daughter ... raised emotions in me that made me examine what i believe about myself as a mother.

i work on belief a lot.

belief is not as easy as it sounds. it is the foundation for love and healing but it is kind of hard to master. it is the first step in my journey. sometimes i rush past it only to end up looking it dead in the face again.....to discover - there is no rushing past the belief part.

do i believe i am a good mother? sometimes. and when i am venturing into territory where someone else "makes me feel bad" i must stop and be brutally honest with myself about what i am feeling exactly and why. i am very sensitive to criticism (even especially from myself) about being a good mother. i work every day to be more patient and loving with my little girl. i work on being a good mom. but my brain believes there is such thing as a perfect mom. so, i always fall short. i am tired of judging myself inadequate and then feeling bad.

i always try my best as a mother. and that will one day be enough for me. i cannot MAKE my daughter happy all the time. she can only make herself happy and i can support her in that effort. if she feels bad i start to feel bad or feel like i did something wrong. BUTT if i am trying my best then i should have nothing to feel bad about. even when i make mistakes.

so, i talk to myself. (talking to myself has proved a highly useful tool on the road to happiness by the way.) i tell myself: you are doing your best. i used to beat myself up for not knowing automatically that doing my best was good enough. i didn't even try to encourage myself. i would just get mad at myself for not feeling the way i SHOULD. i was too hard on myself. i am only a human formed by other humans. how can i expect myself to be perfect all the time or right away. now i am patient with my own self. i acknowledge to myself that i am learning, i am developing, and i am growing slowly like any other organic being. i never used to apply the concepts of behavioral change to myself: those kind of changes just take time.

it is not that they are impossible.

and one day ... i KNOW (the belief is strong for me in this area!) that i will not even need to have this conversation with myself.

so when i feel bad ... i tell myself ... i am a good mother. automatically. practice creates habit and habit builds belief. because it is a habit of a way of THINKING (and doing). and belief lives in the realm of the thoughts.

belief is not a sweater or a hat i can put on. it is a way of thinking about myself and my world.

i felt bad and weird this morning. i am doing my best --- i am a good mother. i am already feeling better.

putting obama to bed

let me just make this real clear:

obama is NOT the messiah.

obama is NOT the great black or white hype.

obama did NOT vote against that horrible, immoral, unethical, and unconstitutional FISA bill ...

obama did NOT go to jena, mississippi.

obama will NOT be doing rallies with sharpton in the streets (yet).

obama will NOT cure racism.

obama can NOT automatically end poverty.

obama will NOT end black-on-black murder in chicago, philadelphia, or houston.

obama will NOT obliterate the GOP.

obama will NOT scrub the capitol of corruption.

obama may NOT be able to necessarily pass universal health care through congress.

sorry.

as much as i personally love and support his candidacy i have never expected any of the above from the man.

(he IS only a man as in huMAN being.)

in the days and months to come i know many of you will struggle with the imposition of reality into obama's hopeful image ... i know many will be disappointed by what he didn't do, what he did say, who he had dinner with, and what he voted for ...

so i suggest, you lower your expectations NOW. i suggest you figure out what YOU CAN DO.

and then, go do it. with love and hope.

leave obama to do his thing ... actually, i think his greatest and this country's greatest achievement has been reached: DEMOCRATIC NOMINEE.

erythang else is just ... extra. like cake. like seconds. like icing. like french fries. like cheese. extra ....

and this is the last time i'll say this (maybe?) cuz i hate to explain the obvious. it is what it is. america is fucked up. it's going to take a lot more than one man. one president. to fix all our ills. to eradicate 'politics as usual' it's going to take more than a few speeches. it's going to take more than all the congresspeople in washington. it's going to take more than all the teachers in america. it's going to take more than just the parents of bad ass kids. it's going to take more than a billion dollars. it's going to take more than removing all the pedophiles and pervs. it's going to take more than a new foreign trade agreement. it's going to take more than a gang truce. it's going to take more than education. it's going to take more than prayer. it's going to take more than peace.

oh, i don't know it might take ... a whole lotta LOVE ...

so, put all that hype ... to bed. it's dead.

hope is alive. BELIEVE ... ... ... in YOURself.

put bam bam to bed, bed, bed. that man is tired right now ;)

oprah feeling some bLacklash

sometimes star magazine has important news ... AND reveals something important about america. i read in the june 16th edition (i was in the dentist's office no bullshit) that oprah is "losing it."

pasted on top of a big picture of oprah hugging barack obama are the words: "her ratings are down, her magazine is on the decline, and she is miserable."



the rag mag goes on to say "even tom [cruise] can't save her."

then they published the results of their poll which addressed the question: ARE YOU TURNED OFF BY OPRAH'S SUPPORT OF OBAMA? 61% of STAR rag mag readers said YES! and 39% said NO.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm .......

what does this all mean? star mag readers are racist? fa sho! but what else? who reads star? many "average" americans who obsess about pop culture, superstars, and fame. but still, A LOT of people read that shit. and now more than half of them ain't fucking with oprah - cuz of barack. and i quote: "oprah's endorsement of democratic presidential candidate, Sen. barack obama made some fans change the channel."

WOW. first, i was struck because i thought white people and other americans would never turn their back on her. oprah is the beloved dark child of white america. oprah has often been the frustration of progressive, radical black americans because she was the beloved of white america and did little to change that image.

second, i was hit with the irony that oprah may have been right all these years. i can't lie, i won't front ... i hated on oprah cuz her show was whitewashed, she catered to whitey, she had damn near all-white audiences, she stayed away from controversial race issues for twenty years ... she used none of her PUBLIC influence to intervene in racial conflict ... she was very negro. old school. blah blah ... but ... maybe she was right.

if she had talked all that rah rah black power shit ... she might not be as famous as she is now ... she might not have as much money (fa sho) ... and she might not be so "well-respected" ... she might not have gained so much power ...

or maybe ... the lesson is that pandering to whitey always makes your power temporary ... at any moment they can revoke your race-invisibility card ... at any moment they can yank your power plug ... even after 24 years on air ... they can decide to paint you black and deem you powerless.

the rag mag says it all started to go downhill three years ago. "oprah's ratings dropped nearly 7% in the last three years. in that same time 'O' magazine lost 1 out of ten readers." gee ... what happened three years ago ... oh maybe barack anounced his candidacy and oprah threw her chips in with the BLACK MAN ...

these are the kinds of observations black people laugh about at the dinner table. i never thought star magazine (or any publication) would print a real article about it ... i know i know, it's star mag ... but it's indicative of larger society.

some very regular unassuming americans read STAR magazine (you'd be surprised) ... even some men read it ...

so now, i sit and wonder (as i often do about oprah) ... how does this make oprah feel? does she feel like she made a mistake? does she wish she could take her endorsement back and be race-neutral again? or was she biding her time - by waiting 24 years to come out publicly as a black person on her own terms, with millions in the bank? i'll probly never know ... and i am content with that.

as for star magazine ... i think i might boycott ... i think it's their turn for some blacklash.

we love you oprah (why not?)! keep the faith! (and get that school in south africa FIXED).

part II: obama's PAN-afrikan appeal

how a blackish president might be good for the wold as a whole ... they loving that nig in france ... you know ... FRANCE ... where black people rioted and burned up the streets for WEEKS last year (or the year before) and where they outlaw the muslim headscarf in SCHOOLS ... where they are often blatantly racist and black people (and others of color) are blatantly disenfranchised ... the whole notion of bam bam empowering people worldwide ... gives me tangles (same as tingles).

read the full article here ...

and here's a lil excerpt:
PARIS - "When Youssoupha, a black rapper here, was asked the other day what was on his mind, a grin spread across his face. 'Barack Obama,' he said. 'Obama tells us everything is possible.'"