pale in comparison

when comparing minorities palin just can't hold water against obama ... there's a story from the LA progressive that palin may have called obama 'SAMBO' ... i can't even be serious about racism anymore ... it's so old and tired ... i can only be sarcastic and facetious so all i can say is mcCain wasn't even smart enough not to get a potty-mouth VIP contender ... potty in her mouth ... yucky lady. should we revoke her minority card? sounds like that's what she wants ... she's not a minority ... she just a human republican (oxymoron?) who can get as racist as the best of em ... good to know miss sarah good to know.

now we payin fannie & freddie's bills too

in case you missed it ... us taxpayers who earn maybe $10 per hour (ok just me?) will be bailing out multi-billion dollar companies, fannie mae and freddie mac ... cuz nobody trusts their word that the loans they made to banks who used the money to lend to homebuyers will ever be re-paid ... or that's what they tell us ... is it coincidence that people who sit on the board of directors for fannie and freddie are second-cousins to g.w. bush? no.

but you are now confronted with a choice. you can find out what's really going on ... why are fannie and freddie so tied to our ENTIRE financial system? why do two companies control almost 50% of all u.s. mortgages? yes, i personally know the answer but ... do you? and now that it effects your pocket will you burry your ass in the sand and add fannie and freddie's bills to your own ... or will you inform yourself about what's really going on? cuz let me tell you ... us taxpayers outnumber congress. we outnumber fannie mae. if we refused to stand for this ... and acted collectively ... of course, something could be done. but what will you do now? ... keep surfing the web or sieze control of your destiny. it is a hard choice. and i love you no matter what but damn ... i'd really love ChANGE.

from cnn: Together, Fannie and Freddie own or guarantee more than half of the U.S. mortgage market - that's more than $5 trillion in loans.

Here's how they work: Banks loan money to home buyers. The banks then sell those mortgages - assuming they meet certain credit standards - to Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac.

But without an "explicit" guarantee from the U.S. government, the stock of both companies continued to drop, and major investors - including the central banks of Russia and China - started selling Fannie and Freddie bonds fast. That made it harder, and more expensive, for Fannie and Freddie to raise money.

That guarantee that investors wanted is now explicit. The U.S. government is now in the business of buying and reselling mortgages, and Paulson and his cohorts hope that sends the message that Fannie and Freddie are safe.

The bad news - taxpayers could get stuck with a $200 billion bill for the bailout.

from bbc:The federal takeover is one of the largest bail-outs in US history.

"Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are so large and interwoven in our financial system that a failure of either of them would create great turmoil in financial markets here and around the globe."

from the springfield sun-times: "The bailout will give the mortgage industry a stability that we haven't had in a couple of years," said Rich Cosner, president of Prudential California Realty. "But frankly no, it won't help (struggling borrowers) to refinance."

stuff white people like the most ...

is selling their product. making that money. ;) just kidding ... kinda.

but you know that website that used to be dope -- stuff white people like ... i'm officially taking it off my blog list. cuz all the blogs have become about promoting the blog-turned-book. not that i'm mad at their shameless promoting cuz we all gotta eat. i just thought blogs about what white people liked were funnier.

i'm thinking ... if my blog ever became a book ... i would create a different website to sell it on. new, fresh, inspired blogs are advertising in and of themselves ... here's how it works: i'ma go to your blogsite to read more good ass blogs and while there i could click on a link to find out more about the book and the book signings and the TV appearances ... as it stands ...

stuff white people like ... is fucking up thier blog once they get a book deal.

love wisdom

[in my journey to seek God, heal my spirit, and re-define LOVE etc. etc. there were many books that brought me to where i am today. all of the writings of don miguel ruiz for starters: the four agreements, the mastery of knowledge, the mastery of love, and beyond fear. i read them in that order ... the ideas build on each other ...

below is an excerpt from beyond fear ... i wanted to share what i believe and where you can find more wisdom about it ... and don miguel is the first to say: don't believe him ... but also don't believe yourself! intuit, research and marinate on what you think is truth.]

The Toltec View of Love

Jesus taught that love is the essence of silent knowledge. The Toltecs also knew that the closer we get to love, the closer we get to God. Love is the opposite of fear. Love is that fire that does not burn, that purifies everything it touches, whereas fear is the fire that burns and destroys everything it touches. It is so difficult to put the meaning of love into words. It is easier to speak of the characteristics of love. In this way, we will see that the characteristics of love and those of fear are exact opposites. We can imagine two tracks, one of love and one of fear. By comparing them, we can see which track we are on. Miguel teaches that pure love is composed of seven characteristics:

1. Love has no expectations
Fear is filled with expectations.

2. Love has no obligations.
Fear is full of obligations. When we act from obligation, our resistance makes us suffer. When we fail to act on our obligations, we feel guilty.

3. Love has respect, not only for others, but also for ourself.
Fear respects nothing, including itself. When I feel sorry for myself, I do not respect myself. When I feel sorry for you, I do not repsect you.

4. Love is patient.
Fear is impatient.

5. Love does not pity.
Fear is filled with pity, especially self-pity.

6. Love is detached.
Fear is filled with attachments and the dread of having to let go.

7. Love is kind.
Fear is too self-involved to be kind.

unrequited love don't quit

this picture is how i feel right now. looking off in the distance trying to have hope but failing. feeling resigned.

a lot of yall must think that i blog about love cuz i got some man or boyfriend tucked away at home. who rubs my feet at night and listens to my whining. who helps me bring groceries in the house. who takes me on long weekend trips. who interfaces with my mommy when i dont wanna talk. who strokes my back and tells me it'll be all right. nope.

maybe you think this young blogging girl is healthy and thick so she must have a stable of studs or a team of all-stars. one for friday. one for monday. and the dude who comes on wednesday who specializes in the backstroke. nah.

i have no romantic relationship.

why do i tell you this? cuz i dunno ... i found LOVE in other places.

i didn't always feel content to just be by myself. (don't get me wrong if i meet someone i really like it's on ...)

instead, i redefined what LOVE was for me. i aint salty that i have no man .... and i aint worried (all the time). of course, i am human and moments hit when i want etc etc but i already wrote a blog about that ... see the archives.

my point is that in the modern world ... in the majority of the world ... our idea of love is so small, so limited, so HUMAN ... i pushed myself to transcend those boundaries ... i forced myself to look at the LOVE i found in other places.

the love of my parents. the love of my daughter. the love of my wonderful friends. the love in the trees. the love in the sky. the love in those frozen crab cakes i pan sear at home. the love of fried green tomatoes with some goat cheese. the love i have for myself. you wanna hear what i love about ME? and this is a great excercise to do with yourself at home ... whenever ... just cuz or if you are feeling unloved and unworthy ...

what i love about myself list:
1. i am aware of GOD --- since i was little despite never attending church i was aware of a greater force in the world ... a spiritual entity ... that is ultimately benevolent. and when i was at my lowest i knew there was still a GOD to call upon - i just refused. see, if we believe GOD exists we will one day seek him even if we have been avoiding his kingdom all our lives. but if we don't think there is a God what will we seek?
2. my brain --- whether on drugs (joking ...) or frying an egg on the pavement i fucking love how my mind works. it is super slow when it comes to chemistry, mathematics, and building furniture. but it's super fast at reading people, reading books, finding the essence of information, and problem solving. it's also all the way out the box. i have yet to meet one person whose mind works like mine in that they see the things that i do.
3. my strength --- i aint even talking about how i was able to be a single mom, or relocate to atlanta, or do everything by myself. i am talking about confidence in my beliefs. i don't have to act on them to be strong. i don't have to shove them down the throats of others to be strong. i don't have to flex to show i'm strong. on the inside i am satisfied to simply do what i think is right. so what people say or think about me ... doesn't really control me. granted, i cared a lot more in junior high school but it was less than most of my peers. and it's always been that way. FUCK what the world thinks -- DO YOU! that's kinda how i operate. it was when i started judging myself through the eyes of others that i suffered severely.
4. my face and body --- i love my teeth are straight. i love my shape. i love being short. i love my toes, fingers and hands. they are pretty! i love my long haired eyebrows. i love my skin with its medium sized pores. i love my ears with their long lobes. i love my afro-chinois nose. i love my hair? not really - still working on that one. it's just too flat for me LOL. i love my stretch marks. i love my complexion? umm a lil too lite but it is what it is. i love my legs. i love my pointy chin.
5. my sense of humor --- whew! i love it! i can't even describe it ... and some people never get it.
6. my empathy --- i can feel others and i like being in tune with humans. i like being able to intuit what a person is going through. i can usually read a person so well i know if i want to trust them, if they are lying, if they are afraid, if they are jealous, and if they are insecure. this ability has saved me a lot of drama and heartache and it has also led me to wonderful experiences. i also love that i care about the world cuz it's what drives me to help make it a better place.
7. my artistic talent --- i love how i paint and write. we all have talents ... but they are all unique. i love my own particular brush stroke. it's intense. thick. heavy and strong. and my writing? i love how i put words together ... period.
8. my integrity --- i aint perfect by any means. i have broken promises ... sigh ... i have gone back on my word but for the most part ... i am what i say and i say what i am. i do the right thing most times. i don't cheat. i hate to lie except to people who hate the truth. and can't take it. i don't make excuses for myself. i always take accountability. i am usually the first to see where i was wrong. i don't play games. i don't put up facades. i don't take advantage of people - ever.


... that's enuff for today. i don't feel so much like the picture above anymore ... more like this pic to the right ... i feel like a little love muffin ... bursting with love cranberries ...

muah! go make a list for yourself! hug yo ass today!

** believe it or not i did not take these photos for this blog. already had em :)

non-violence works

(my wonderful auntie shared this with me and the pics in the beginning really make this kinda moving ...)



random thoughts i had while watching this:

1. i know why black people don't fuck with dogs the way white people do
2. the pics of barack don't move me ... they shoulda kept it historical and just had one pic of him ... the drawing one with the word 'progress' woulda worked best
3. we still got a long way to go
4. BUT i sho am glad it aint 1963 (kinda ... i do have fantasies of being a black panther)
5. white people are tryna lose these old photos
6. LOVE can prevail ... if we live thru the struggle ... and injustice ... we will get to the other side ... (not the side where everything is perfect but the side we at now ... where we can breathe a lil bit more)

'merica

hurricane gustav ... made me have an epiphany ....

my new theory is that america is no longer america ... at least not the america that many people BRAND and MARKET her to be (o.k. she never was but it's real obvious now) ... you know that "dream" of america which does include the 'american dream' version as well as this notion that we are a 'first world,' highly developed, super-CIVILIZed, leader of the 'free-market' world... when they took countries out of the 3rd world and put them in the first world, when they took africa, india, and latin america and colonized them the excuse was that europeans were more CIVILIZED ... cuz of, you know, real important things like they wore long skirts and ties and they ate with forks ...


but all that to say america is no longer america ... we are now a bootleg version of our own illusion ... let me explain why i'm downgrading us to business class, to third world, to the bottom of the international pecking order ...

i first thought this cuz of gustav. i mean ... how civilized is it not to rebuild the levees in four years ... but then again the rest of new orleans has also yet to be rebuilt hmmm ... and 85% of the people aint back (not an exact percentage) ... and many refugees still live in trailers issued by the government that turned out to be toxic and cause cancer ... and what about FEMA in GENERAL -- ... a gov. body that is as corrupt as nigeria (NOT an insult to nigeria) ... and then i thought about how the folks would evacuate and gas stations would run out of gas (not very american) and ATMs would be out of money (not american at all)


and supermarkets would have no food or water (so unamerican) and the traffic out of NO would turn a 7 hour drive into 20 hours (kinda american) ...


then i thought .... has the 9/11 destruction been re-built ... no ... there are still craters in the earth and condemned buildings in the bowery ... there is still no 9/11 memorial ...

which led me to think about where our money is at ... oh, iraq ... so if a future disaster or terrorist attack hit ... that shit wouldn't get rebuilt either ...


and this got me thinking about our infrastructure as a whole ... education (is that infrastructure? not sure but it's pretty fucking important) is at an all time low ... kids i taught in philly didn't know what or where the u.s. capital city was ... no bullshit ... and umm the dollar is now valued at less than the euro almost twice as less huh ... our current president is g.w. bush ... and it was americans who voted for him ... health insurance - what's left of it - SUCKS ... jobs that ALWAYS carried health care no longer even offer it ... if they do offer it it's like the cost of college ... and oh that's rising too and gov grants for college are also dwindling ... banks are closing and homes are foreclosing ... is the american dream moving into an apartment?


i would move to cuba but there's a hurricane there. i would move to canada but it's too cold. venezuela and brasil are the last two left on my list ... and ghana is definitely an option ...

cuz as far as i'm concerned this country is now just called 'merica -- it's fourth-world and dropping fast ...(no, i don't believe we can rank worlds it's just cuz i know AMERICA takes their ranking quite seriously.) i told yall ... it's HARD for me to love america with all her pre-occupation with ranking, order, money, materialism ... she always forgets that a country is only as strong as its PEOPLE. and it's only the people that make it a nation.