self-reflexive racism or vomit in my mouth

it comes back to haunt you.

treat a human like a dog. and the dog-who-used-to-be-human will bite you in the ass.

i am almost sick of talking about this shit. some people wanna argue racism don't exist. meanwhile i been living neck-deep in racist shit everyday of my life. i am certainly sick of living it. but since i got to live it; i got to tell it.

also, i'm an intelligent person .... and i'd like to be able to build a case (and i could if i set aside a few hours) for all you non-believers but as don miguel says, the truth stands. i will not make a case for racism. i have experienced and witnessed its truth. believe me or not.

and what i know to be true about it is this: when you are a victim of racism you come to hate the racist. i AM the dog who wants to bite some white people ass. i am JUST like a dog. the thought of hurting white people gets me PUMPED. i start salivating and sniffing in the air. i give out a little growl and then i lunge for the fucking jugular.

yo, white people, this is real talk. and given that racism has not gone anywhere we might try this new tactic in race relations: BEING HONEST. many a negro, descendant of a slave, and/or black person has FANTASIES about random violence against white people. some of us call these "slave-flashbacks" or "jim crow moments" or "colonial recollections." whatever the fuck you wanna call it ... there are emotional wounds from racism. past racism and current racism.

these emotional wounds actually just re-open and get more infected as we live our day to day lives. cuz AT LEAST ten times a day i am reminded of the world's racism. all i got to do is turn on the TV .... or go to work. or pick my daughter up at her busted public school for colored children. i get bitter bile in my mouth just writing this. i AM bitter.

but i don't want to stay that way.

see the irony of racism is that racists can't figure out why people hate them. white people think that only slave-owners perpetuate racism. but by denying racism you perpetuate it. cuz you just burying your head in the sand while the race war rages around your ass sticking in the air.

some racists don't understand that there are a lot of angry dogs out there. some of us are just angry about OLD shit but cuz the racists have never had to take accountability or serve at the hands of justice the emotional wound is as fresh as if slavery happened yesterday. because america just silently and stealthily meandered from slavery into this sloppy de facto apartheid colored people are PISSED THE FUCK OFF. see, we know. we KNOW!

even those black folks who act like they don't know. deep down they do know. and that's why they running to be white - they hate themselves. we know that america has treated colored people as if they were dogs. as if we were not human. we all know. so we hate.

and we burn. and we rage. and we take it out on ourselves. and we hate whitey. and most of all we come to hate ourselves. and this ....... is american history.

BUT BUT BUT ... you know i'm bout the love, you know i am working towards forgiving white people ... forgiving all racists ... i guess ... i know there is no ultimate reward in truly 'sticking it to the man' but i can't help but feel a little gloating satisfaction that we are still gonna do white people one better ... we gon show em we better ... and always have been ... because

we will forgive them. the ultimate expression of our true humanity.

i just need a little help from you, Jesus.