your breath smells like love

in my quest for the love of my life a.k.a. the love of myself a.k.a. the love of God a.k.a. the love all around us ... i read a lot.

some links to books i found helpful are in the column to your right. i didn't put a weblink to the bible cuz i haven't found the right website. but yes, i have embarked on reading the bible. i am no christian fundamentalist ... lately i am considering myself a student of the universe. i want to understand the universe (a little) because that is where i think love is.

all this to say that in my studies and readings common threads are emerging. the most obvious is of course, LOVE. unconditional love. all the prophets talked about it AND it is also part of many ancient traditions in north america, kazakhstan, india, china, congo, iran etc. etc.

i do yoga but now i also read yoga. and the textual foundations of yoga are just as fascinating as the physical applications .... in the current book i am reading the idea of the breath was illuminated for me.

i'll tell you the dots that got connected for lil ole me:

1) when i was in therapy about a year or two ago i told my doctor about how angry i get from time to time with uh human beings in the world. ya know, on the subway pushy people piss me off and in the supermarket slow ass people get on my nerves, and ya know white people sometimes when they are just being themselves made me wanna choke em out .... yeah anger management issues - i'm not really that embarrassed by it. well the therapist told me to try a breathing technique ... count to ten and breathe and focus on the breath blah blah blah i tried it and it kinda worked but it took so much mental power ... but i didn't stick with it and i didn't really GET it. at the time. this was just the realm of psycho-therapy.

2) but i connected that suggestion with another reading i did in another book. don miguel ruiz talks in the mastery of knowledge and in the four agreements about loving yourself and being thankful that we even have breath to breathe. he goes on further to say breath is the very essence of life. when we are more actively conscious of our breath we are truly living. he encouraged readers to take time to just breathe and listen to their breath. this is the toltec tradition.

3) of course ... eat/pray/love incorporates the yoga principles and also talks about breath and sound in mantras ... and i heard this theme reiterated again. this is one anglo-american woman's account.

as i read desikachar's, 'the heart of yoga,' all of these - the toltec, the therapist, the individual testimony, the yogi - random worlds collided ....... into one breath. he writes, "the quality of our breath is extremely important because it expresses our inner feelings. If we are in pain it shows in our breathing ... the breath is the link between the inner and outer ... normally we are not conscious of our breathing ... " and many of us may be familiar with these yoga terms and concepts: breathe into your muscle, breathe out your toxins ... and to many it sounds like fantastical magical hooha mumbo jumbo bullshit.

it is very real and very possible to me. and this is where i invite you to experience the love, grace, peace, and happiness you can feel simply by breathing.

you do not have to believe me and i don't want you to. i know this is true because i have practiced becoming conscious of my breathing. i have learned how to breathe INTO muscles and you can learn too. the truth will stand so i challenge you to put my claims to the test; maybe just as an exercise to prove me wrong or maybe cuz you want me (and a million others) to be right.

in your own life you can begin to focus on your breathing. learn different breathing techniques and see how they feel. practice it with or without the meditative aspects? practice it more consciously in your own yoga. don't ask a bozo on the street - do some real research at the very least. i can clearly recommend desikachar's book (see link to the right).

but my most important point is actually this ... the dots connected for me because i was honest with myself ... i had to admit to me ... that the breathing doesn't work when my mind is truly not focused on it ... but that is the hard part. earlier i mentioned how much mental power it took to use my breathing to reduce my anger (the therapist's suggestion). i quit and gave up on it because it was TOO hard. the answer is simple but the way was HARD. i also think i quit because i wasn't sure the amount of effort would be worth the results. but now i believe ... now i know that if i keep pushing myself and practicing my breath will lead me to happiness.

i have caught rare glimpses of that life, that other me ...

when i was focused on my breath during yoga i have felt how life coursed from my lungs to my fingertips ... when i truly focused on my breathing i felt how i eliminated waste much differently (not to be gross but keepin it real!) ... i acknowledged in those rare moments that breathing is transformative ... i was aware of the breath of God only when i was focused on my breath in the moment ...

being in the moment is another common thread emerging in all of my readings ... yoga teaches us through our breath and body to be present in every moment ...

but right now i am in this moment and i will save all my ideas about "being in the moment" for another blog. and this moment is all about your stankin loving breath.