baby bag mama

i was fascinated when i heard erykah badu might be pregnant for the third time by a different man. not for the usual reasons ... i don't judge that woman and i don't care how many kids she has ... i fuks with erykah (i guess mostly on a musical level) and i am equally fascinated by lauryn hill and her five kids ... but uh i really wanted to know more bout erykah cuz i wanted to know who her new BD (baby daddy) was and if he was cute ... so when i clicked on this site ... i wasn't ready to discover his real identity OR read what e. badu (as analogue girl) had to say to okayplayer.com ... she is livid bout all the gossip and judgement and speculation ... i thought i would let her voice be heard some mo ... in the pic is the the new BD -- jay electronica?? never heard of 'im ... but here's a link to a song he did featuring guess who ... but the real irony is ... do i hear a sample on that track from a song a different rapper who used to date erykah badu used on a previous album?! if i'm wrong leave a comment but that sounds a lot like ...

and then below is also what she had to say on the matter ... none of this could be true -- she could be very UNpregnant, this man in the pic could be her cuzzin, and she may not have really wrote this so don't be an ass and assume everything you read is true. and lastly in my humble opinion her new dude is not cute to me. dre is still reigning BD champ! but a TRUE word of advice to the haters: don't fuck wit nobody MAMA ..............

badu? words:
peace,
HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT THE QUEENDOM

…AND MY CHILDREN AND MY INTELLIGENCE.

ive never been so disgusted in all of my life .
there is no other place i used to enjoy more .
i post no where else .
you guys have taken an all time low , tho.

I’LL STATE MY PEACE

i am a great mother and care giver to my 2 children and to this world .
my children are 2 of the kindest and happiest people i have met.
I home schooled them and taught them the ways of good to the best of my ability.
i am their doctor and their nurse .
and even sometimes their mother and their father.

i am an excellent mother and resent all of the negative comments and insults on my character.
I PUT MUCH TIME AND THOUGHT INTO HAVING AND RAISING MY CHILDREN.
IVE HAD THE HONORS OF HAVING 2 HOME BIRTHS AND 2 WONDERFUL PARTNERS BY MY SIDE.

every relationship i have been in was because i loved the person DEARLY and was dedicated to us “exclusively” FOR A NUMBER OF YEARS.

the fathers of my children are my brothers and friends .
we have a great deal of respect for one another and always will.
WE LOVE OUR CHILDREN TO NO END.
we took our own “vows” and CONTINUE TO UPHOLD THEM.
AND THAT IS WHAT THAT IS .

question?
WHAT IS MARRIAGE ?
WHO IS THE JUDGE?
WE ONLY UNDERSTAND THE EXAMPLES WE ARE GIVEN ( well sort of)

WOULD IT “LOOK BETTER ” TO MARRY AND DIVIORCE AND MARRY AGAIN ?
WOULD THAT BE MORALLY CORRECT ?
WHATS THE DIFFERENCE ? the government’s involvement i guess.
IDEALLY , IT WOULD BE EXCELLENT TO FIND THE MAN OR WOMAN WHO FULFILLS YOUR SPIRIT AND STAY FOR EVER AND EVER ( thru sickness and health till death do us part ) AND HAVE HEALTHY STRONG CHILDREN AS A RESULT OF A HEALTHY AND STRONG UNION.
(this CAN happen … we need much training , however.)


OR

IS IT REALLY “GOOD” TO STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP WHERE BOTH PARTIES ARE UNFULFILLED , LONGING FOR RELIEF , BRINGING one another down as a result of improper training , creating BAD ENERGY AND EXPERIENCES FOR THE CHILD TO REPEAT ?
(not to mention breeding deceit and anger and resentment )
SEEMS TO CREATE FEARFUL CHILDREN WHO TURN INTO FEARFUL ADULTS .

HOW MANY OF YOU GREW UP IN 2 PARENT HOMES THAT WERE MISERABLE AS F$%K ?
OR 2 PARENT HOMES THAT WERE NOT PERFECT BUT WORKED?
HOW MANY GREW UP IN ONE PARENT HOMES WHERE THE MOTHER WORKED HARD TO MAKE SURE YOU WERE CARED FOR BUT SHE WASNT QUITE HAPPY?
HOW ABOUT A HOME WHERE THE FATHER WAS THE MAIN CARE GIVER AND DID THE BEST HE COULD -LACKING NURTURE?
HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE A SIBLING THAT HAS A DIFFERENT FATHER OR MOTHER?
DOES HE OR SHE MEAN LESS TO YOU?
HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1 MOTHER OR FATHER OF YOUR OWN CHILDren ?
HOW MANY OF YOU HAD /OR / ARE PARENTS RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO MAKE GOOD DECISIONS FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN ,THAT DONT QUITE FIT ANY OF THESE DESCRIPTIONS?
HOW MANY OF YOU STAY IN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS FOR FEAR OF GOING TO HELL?
HOW MANY [women] OUT THERE … THAT HAVE KIDS TO GET A PAYDAY?
HOW MANY PEOPLE GETTING THEY ASS KICKED AND ARE FORCED TO SUBMIT CAUSE YO MAMA GOT HER A%S KICKED?
THEN WHAT is CORRECT?

how about this:

I PRAY WITH MY CHILDREN
I FEED THEM GOOD FOOD
THEY RESPECT PEOPLES DIFFERENCES
THEY TRAVEL THE WORLD WITH ME
THE KNOW WHO THEY ARE
THEY ADORE THEIR FATHERS AND ARE LOVED BY 2 PARENTS OR MORE -
OR TWO OR MORE SETS OF LOVING GRANDPARENTS
THEY CRY
THEY GET HURT
THEY GET SICK
THEY HEAL

THEY ARE real

THEY ARE NOT AN IDEA or a TOPIC
AND NEITHER AM I .
I AM ALIVE .
I AM BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.
I AM A GOOD WOMAM.
I AM GROWING
I AM COMPLETE WITH OR WITHOUT A PARTNER AND WILL ALWAYS BE
AND I HAVE DREAMS OF A FAMILY STRUCTURE
ALL OF MY DREAMS DO NOT COME TRUE
AND DESPITE ALL OF THE PAIN IN MY LIFE …
IN MY MOTHERS LIFE …
IN MY GRANDMOTHERS LIFE
WE HAVE ALWAYS ENDURED
AND THERE IS SO MUCH JOY TO BE EXPERIENCED.
I NEVER HAD A FATHER AND I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE -
BUT MY CHILDREN DO , AND THEY LOVE THEIR ‘PARENTS’ .

WE ARE THEIR CHAMPIONS .

live how you want . follow which ever pattern YOU like .
MY CHILDREN WILL BE LEADERS
and they will not ever be slaves to this society’s failing idea of morality.
THEY OWN THEIR MINDS AND THEIR DREAMS.

BIRTH CONTROL lol … could have 10 babies instead of 2 .

I LOVE CHILDREN AND I WILL HAVE AS MANY AS GOD WILL GIVE ME .

I AM VERY HEALTHY AND RESPONSIBLE AND SO ARE ALL OF MY PARTNERS

I CHOSE THEM WISELY AND SOBERLY .

ALL GOOD BROTHERS .

your opinions lack experience and are not only careless but also very uninformed and immature.

nothing is sacred here . and i see why.

if i loose you as a fan because i want to continue to have children then
FUCK OFF… WHO NEEDS YOU ….CERTAINLY NOT ME … KICK ROCKS … CALL TYRONE … PACK LIGHT …. BITE ME

i have defended myself here ON THIS SITE and hurled a few insults .. but only in response to your insults of
my music , my clothes , my lyrics , my hair , my being a woman , my spirit, my choices of partners….
these have all been on trial here . and i continued to support the energy of this place .

this is to all the okay players / REAL HUMAN BEINGS hiding behind screen names in order to insult one another and who ever else you will.

geeeez…
i had to say something
i am so sad for parents who try , today guys
enough is enuf.

dont judge to quickly , OKAY PLAYER?

i know you are having fun , but what if it were you and your children?
my son is 10 .
my daughter, 4 .

peace

ANALOGUE GIRL

and if this post is not clear
kiss my placenta.

phase one: operation save my life

(written on 12/8/07)

so, i moved in with the folks. there is only one word: stifling.

i wish i could take a picture of myself ... smoking cigarettes out of the window. the window looks out on a little umm alley and it's so cramped brooklyn quarters ... apartment buildings half a foot apart ya mean?

i wish i could turn into a bird and fly ... anywhere.

i wish i could find some money on the street ... and move ... anywhere.

i wish i could at least have room to pull my easel and my yoga mat out ... it's one at a time. no, i never did paint while doing yoga at the same time.

i wish my parents would smoke fags (british word for cigarettes that i love) with me!

my mom did do that shot of patron ....

they cool enough. i guess.

it just feels like day 5 of a prison term i already served ... in high school.

but i'm going to become (not there yet) an inspiration for all grown adults who live at home with their parents. i am actually thankful that i at least have a roof over my head. thankful that they ignore me smoking cigarettes out the window. thankful that i have a bed. thankful that i have heat. thankful that they have room enough for my daughter! that's a biggie ... and that she has a bed even though she has taken to sleeping on the floor ...

i am immersing myself in gratitude. cuz then i don't notice so much that i have become the unofficial dishwasher.

5 to 30

(written in november of 2007)

i try to make everyday different.

i try to find the miracle(s) in every single day.

paulo coehlo's book, "by the river piedra i sat down and wept", taught me that.

maybe 'taught' is the wrong word. something in my spirit suspected that for many years. that there was something MORE to the days ... so affirmed is probably a more accurate word. that book affirmed that for me.

but this morning started to feel like the old days when it was one long day.

as i grew into an adult and had my daughter the days began to melt into one long day of obligation, duty, and responsibility. because as we become adults we are told by the outside world what responsibility must look like. and because i was afraid to look for a new paradigm of living.

today my daughter ... i am moving away from the term "made me feel bad" so i will say my daughter ... raised emotions in me that made me examine what i believe about myself as a mother.

i work on belief a lot.

belief is not as easy as it sounds. it is the foundation for love and healing but it is kind of hard to master. it is the first step in my journey. sometimes i rush past it only to end up looking it dead in the face again.....to discover - there is no rushing past the belief part.

do i believe i am a good mother? sometimes. and when i am venturing into territory where someone else "makes me feel bad" i must stop and be brutally honest with myself about what i am feeling exactly and why. i am very sensitive to criticism (even especially from myself) about being a good mother. i work every day to be more patient and loving with my little girl. i work on being a good mom. but my brain believes there is such thing as a perfect mom. so, i always fall short. i am tired of judging myself inadequate and then feeling bad.

i always try my best as a mother. and that will one day be enough for me. i cannot MAKE my daughter happy all the time. she can only make herself happy and i can support her in that effort. if she feels bad i start to feel bad or feel like i did something wrong. BUTT if i am trying my best then i should have nothing to feel bad about. even when i make mistakes.

so, i talk to myself. (talking to myself has proved a highly useful tool on the road to happiness by the way.) i tell myself: you are doing your best. i used to beat myself up for not knowing automatically that doing my best was good enough. i didn't even try to encourage myself. i would just get mad at myself for not feeling the way i SHOULD. i was too hard on myself. i am only a human formed by other humans. how can i expect myself to be perfect all the time or right away. now i am patient with my own self. i acknowledge to myself that i am learning, i am developing, and i am growing slowly like any other organic being. i never used to apply the concepts of behavioral change to myself: those kind of changes just take time.

it is not that they are impossible.

and one day ... i KNOW (the belief is strong for me in this area!) that i will not even need to have this conversation with myself.

so when i feel bad ... i tell myself ... i am a good mother. automatically. practice creates habit and habit builds belief. because it is a habit of a way of THINKING (and doing). and belief lives in the realm of the thoughts.

belief is not a sweater or a hat i can put on. it is a way of thinking about myself and my world.

i felt bad and weird this morning. i am doing my best --- i am a good mother. i am already feeling better.