structural adjustment NOT the IMF: operation save my life

prologue: i traveled to brasil for my 30th birthday in october of 2007. i was so happy there i wanted it to last forever. one night my two homegirls and i laid under the night stars and watched them shoot across the sky. i don't know what them other two was thinkin bout but i was praying and dialoguing with the universe. i begged the night sky for a way to change my life. at that time - almost a year ago - i was unhappy at my job because i wanted to pursue other passions. i was miserable being a single mom and trying to maintain everything by myself. i was lonely in nyc with few friends and no social life. and i had come to intensely dislike dirty, stressful, crowded, loud new york city. when i returned from brasil i opened my mind. i thought way out of the box and i embraced sacrifice as i conceived the plan below. then i came to understand that when you are in love with your journey there is no sacrifice. it's all love. and love has its seasons. a season to sow, plant, and work hard. and a season to fall back and watch the blooms of your efforts crack through the earth all on their own. and some other seasons too.
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(written on 11/11/07)

fuck the IMF! uh i just kinda had to get that out. not very loving of me but hey, workin on it ...

this is about a more micro-personal SAP (structural adjustment plan). you know, i said in a previous blog that God gave me an idea of how i can change my life and get me FREE. here it is:

1) i'm moving. yep. packing it in. following my baby daddy across america so i can get three hours a day to paint and write. or more?

i am a painter. i don't just blog blog blog. i do portraits. naked people and faces. i think one day i'll sell my paintings for millions. poor folks will ALWAYS get a discount. i'd sell my painting for a dollar if you really were broke. but if you rich ... hand over the mill.

2) i'm leaving my current career field. it is education ... i love the kids! but i gotta do my art. i WILL come back to education once i get those millions. i plan to use the art to make the money (and make me happy why not) and then use the money to ... SAVE THE WORLD ... ok ok just CHANGE the world a lil bit.

so ... in the romantic version of this blog ... i'm driving off into the sunset to become a waitress. that's what artists do right? i can't WAIT to get from behind this desk. i'm kinda looking forward to being a waitress. cuz for one i LOVE food. and for two i LOVE helping people. and now i will be helping people to eat food that will make them happy. perfect. so what my feet will hurt.

3) i gotta go live with my mama ... for six months. nothing without a price. i love my mama don't get me wrong. but she still .... my mama ... i think this step in the plan speaks for itself. all you need to know is i'ma be a little stifled in close quarters with my daughter, my mom, and my daddy and i'ma be saving $mONEY$. i need money right now like i need water. can't get enough, might run out and die of thirst ... it makes me happy to just save money.

4) i'm giving up the goat. in other words: slowly going to cleanse my old belief systems and replace them with something enitrely, unconditionally loving.

5) i'm giving up shopping. yuck. this is related to the saving money shit. self-explanatory.

6) i'm giving up my expensive work lunches ....... this one made me shed a tear. i said i love to eat. i'm cooking more at home ........ the AGONY!

7) i'm thinking of ways to increase my income ... you might see me and donald trump making real estate deals one day. that is all i can divulge right now.

well, that's about it ... it requires an incredible amount of action items in a very short time period. but i'd like women and men to know you are never stuck. sometimes we gotta pray. marinate on the solutions. meditate on our deepest desires and blockages. get out of our own way. get down to the nitty gritty. and change yo life.

nah, i never been a waitress before.