monica's song

my first guiding principle to this blog ... don't take it personal.

maybe you read about this in that book The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz or maybe somebody tossed you that bit of advice offhandedly as they proceeded to stand you up, break a promise, cuss you out, or steal from you. it's hard to swallow aint it?

why is this so hard for people to do? because humans - operating within their own selves - cannot take their Self (capital S) out of it. it's not all about you, unfortunately, it's really not. you think it's about YOU cuz YOU trapped in your own mind and world.

but i don't judge you for it cuz guess what ... i been there. i took everything personal and i exacted retribution for it all too. even now, these days, i have to FIGHT not to take some things personal. how do i fight? well i turn every situation on myself. i ask myself: why does this hurt so much? what is it you believe about yourself that makes the words of ANOTHER ring true for YOU?

(don miguel really outlines all this in his book so you could simply skip this blog and go right to his book. but he don't cuss like me.)

but occasionally, i like to explore a book ... and i like to discuss how the concepts in a book are applicable to my daily life. in my own life i have found don miguel's words to be entirely true. i have learned through personal experience that usually when a person has a problem with me they really have a problem with themselves. furthermore, any hurt from others turns out to be my own hurt that i have been inflicting on myself for years.

it was a sad way to live. always trying to figure out other people's motives and intentions. what a waste of time. i have been mistreated, i have been cheated, i have been hurt by people i love. but i learned to let those people be themselves because it was never because they WANTED to hurt me it was because they were trapped in their own ideas about how they should act and treat other people and protect their own feelings and desires.

the hardest part for me was to acknowledge that those people i loved weren't AWARE of themselves and how they treated others. some of them are still not and i still love them. but once i could understand that those people had fears and behavioral programming that i could not change ... i let go of making them responsible for how i feel.

i am the only one responsible for how i feel. 'don't take it personal' leaves the stain of dirty energy on the perpetrators, the unjust, the malignants, the enemies, the lovers who fuck up, the parents who are oblivious ... and it never reflects on my own character.

i do not internalize the names people call me. i do not believe that when i don't get a raise it's because i don't deserve it. i refuse to believe that just because my mother doesn't tell me she is proud of me that i have nothing to be proud of.

in order to not take anything personal you must already believe in yourself to the utmost core. you must be fortified by your own integrity. you know your heart better than anyone ... and if you don't you can get to know your heart and you can heal your heart so that your integrity shines through to your own self.